Parents can help children to succeed in life

In the wake of the recent college admissions scandal, in which rich parents paid thousands or even millions of dollars to bribe coaches or have someone else take standardized tests for their children so that they could get into elite colleges, there has been a lot of discussion about admission to elite colleges and about what it takes to succeed. Going to an elite college can help, mostly in terms of networking and resume-building, but it is not the ticket to success.True success and happiness in life comes from being able to create, persevere, roll with life’s punches, and work with others. Parents and caregivers can teach children these skills from infancy onwards. 

Here are five ways parents can set up their children for success.

1. Reinforce executive function skills
   Executive function skills are our ability to pay attention, plan, troubleshoot, multitask, control our emotions, negotiate, and delay gratification. These are skills that children learn as they grow and can be taught and reinforced. There are activities and games that parents can do with their children that help build these skills, many of which involve using their imagination and interacting with others — which works best when devices are turned off, and when time is not filled up with scheduled activities.
2. Let children be independent — and let them fail
   Many parents limit their children’s independence for good reason of safety. But children cannot grow into independent adults if they never get to explore the world around them and make choices for themselves, which inevitably means that they will make at least the occasional bad choice. Learning from mistakes is some of the best learning we do. Control temptation to jump in and save them, but limit that to the real emergencies. They will do better, if parents are supportive and help them think it through. They will also learn to survive the mistakes.
3. Foster resilience
   Resilience is the ability to manage adversity, to deal with setbacks and failure and get back up again. Letting children be independent and fail helps build this. Having the consistent support of loving adults is key.
4. Build social skills and empathy
   Children need to learn how to make and keep friends, how to listen to others and care about their thoughts and feelings. From teaching “please” and “thank you” and taking turns, to getting them involved in activities involving social interactions, to getting involved in community and volunteer activities, there are many ways that parents can build these skills.
5. Encourage curiosity and creativity
   Go places like parks or museums or historical sites. Explore together. Go to the library and get books. Have lots of paper and paint around. Make things together. Watch documentaries; read the news and talk about it. Make up stories. Build things. Help your child see the world as full of fascination and possibility. Help them understand how much ability they have to create.

These are the skills that make a difference, not where someone goes to college. These are the skills that help people find their way, succeed at what they do — and have fun doing it.

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Spouse is more important than parents

Devotion to your spouse is vital to the success of any marriage. In order for marriage to flourish both husband and wife need to leave their parents and start a new home together. From that moment they need to be number one in each other's life. That doesn't mean they don't love and care about their parents. It simply means that the top priority has now changed from parents to spouse.

In the Bible, in marriage the duties of husbands and wives are, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh... . Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband..."

1. It shows honor and respect for your spouse.
   When your husband or wife knows he or she comes before your parents, it creates a deeper marital bond. If a wife/husband continually runs to her/his parents for counsel instead of first talking with spouse, it can create a feeling of distrust. When you talk together as a couple about your problems and seek answers in a united way, it strengthens your marriage. Parents can be consulted, but it's best done with both of you present. That doesn't mean there won't be times when one-on-one time with a parent is needed. It just means that running to a parent is not your first or usual response.
2. It shows your spouse and your parents that your marriage is solid.
   If one or the other keeps running home to Mom or Dad, complaining about his or her spouse, it can be damaging to your marriage. A mother of a young married daughter told about how her daughter was continually telling them bad things about her husband - nothing big, just annoying things like he doesn't pick up his clothes, he watches too much TV, or a myriad of other nit-picky traits. When this happens the parents can't help but feel like you married a loser, even though there are wonderful things about him that you love. If they have a skewed view of your mate due to your continual barrage of negatives, they may not give you proper counsel, even may encourage you to leave him. Unless there's abuse, that would be disastrous. When you put your spouse first, your parents and your spouse will recognize how important your marriage is to you.
3. It creates a stronger intimacy with your spouse
   When your focus is on your mate then each other's needs can be met. There is a bond of devotion where deep sharing of thoughts and experiences kindle a love that can be experienced no other way. This kind of intimacy opens the door to a more romantic relationship. If you don't feel like you're number one, genuine intimacy is hard to achieve. Allowing your parents to have that number one spot can put a damper on your relationship. A woman told us about how her mother-in-law called her son every night at bedtime. She said, "Just when we finally have some alone time after the kids are in bed the phone rings, and it's her. The other night we were snuggling on the couch enjoying each other when it rang. We knew who it was. My husband always feels obligated to take the call. It's taking a toll on the intimate side of our marriage." This couple solved the problem by the husband telling his mother this was not a good time to call. They then set a time that worked better for all concerned. Most parents want their kids to have a happy marriage and will respond to such requests. Taking this action helped his wife realize how important she was to him. Setting boundaries with parents in a kind and loving way is important. Keeping close to parents matters, and it can be done without jeopardizing your marriage.
4. When things get tough you can count on each other.
   When you've kept each other at the top of the list, there will be no question about loyalty to and from your spouse. A couple told of a time the husband lost his business. He said, "My wife was by my side the whole time, cheering me on, right up to the bitter end when the business collapsed. I knew that even if my parents or others criticized me for taking this risk, she would stick up for me." No one chooses to fail, but if it happens it is comforting to know your spouse is right there to buoy you up. That goes for other kinds of challenges, as well. When you have kept each other as a priority, you'll be there for each other through the hard times. Your spouse is your greatest support system. Parental love and support is nice to have, but in the end it is your spouse who is by your side daily.
5. When your parents reach the end of their lives, having your spouse by your side will be very comforting.
   Keeping the relationship strong with your mate can make all heartaches a little more bearable, particularly this one. If you have been respectful and loving to your parents, all the while keeping your mate as your priority, your memories will be sweeter and your marriage will be stronger.

In all of this, don't push your parents away. Include them in ways that work for you and your spouse. A loving relationship with parents can be very helpful in keeping your family strong. You and your spouse can build that relationship while keeping each other as your main priority. 

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Wake-up Call: What Every Husband Needs to Know

Your wife is your equal. In marriage neither partner is superior 

nor inferior to the other ... Thomas Spencer Monson

Any man in this Church who exercises unrighteous dominion over [his wife] 

is unworthy to hold the priesthood ... Gordon B. Hinckley

It’s difficult for people to see their own faults, but so easy to see them in others.

 

If any of you are having difficulty in your marriage, you must do all that you can to make whatever repairs are necessary, that you might be as happy as you were when your marriage started out. Couples must do what it takes to make their marriage lasting. There might be situations where marriages cannot be saved, but for the most part they can be saved and should be saved. Do not let your marriage get to the point where it is in jeopardy. If so, do what it takes to make whatever repairs are necessary. Husbands need to know that a divorce does not come out of the blue. There may be one final act that pushes a wife over the top and she can’t take it any more. And then, the marriage is over. But it doesn’t just suddenly happen. You can be sure it’s been brewing for quite some time and you didn’t even notice. That’s sad.

Hyprocrisy

Hypocrisy arises naturally. It is humanly impossible to avoid hypocrisy. Hypocrisy isn’t about simply failing to live up to the rules. It’s about being duplicitous about it. It’s about celebrating the things we shouldn’t do, about not properly regretting the sins that we commit. Hypocrisy is not simply failing to live up to a set of expectations but also a desire to exploit in order to accomplish some other purpose. Hypocrisy at its core is deception. The hypocrite knows he does wrong, but yet criticises others. The reasons for criticising is from genuine despair at his own failings, to an insecure attempt to belittle others.

• Hypocrites are a horrid lot, a bane on our collective existence, a travesty of humanity.
• Humans are prone to the principal of least effort, often known as the path of least resistance, opting for doing the least work.
• Hypocrisy allows you to appear principled, without adhering to strict principles. 
• Most people agree that speaking truth is the best policy, but when confronted with difficult situations, they give themselves a pass with an untruth or white lies. 
• Hypocrisy can afford to be magnificent in its promises but for never intended to go beyond promise and costs nothing.
• Hypocrisy is a self-serving inconsistency or deliberate misrepresentation of oneself, so as to appear better in terms of prevailing norms. Politicians engage in this sort of hypocrisy to gain election benefits. Modern politicians making big speeches about all the great things they’ll do and then never doing any of them. They seldom suffer any consequences for their hypocrisy.
• Parents are the worst hypocrites. We chastise our children for perceived transgressions that are a quarter as bad as those that we committed in our youth. Parental hypocrisy comes from a want that our progeny avoid the mistakes that we have made. Parents have little choice but to be hypocrites.
• We may not be able to avoid hypocrisy, but there is a big difference between acknowledging it and allowing it to go unchecked. The former is human, the latter much less so.
• Some people can end up more dedicated to the beliefs and practices they claim to adhere and are not afraid to point out hypocrisy when they see it.

Whatever you be, be a true man who, in his business transactions with you, quotes scripture. Pray to God to guard you against hypocrisy and the hypocrite.

Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value 

than the most talented hypocrite ... Charles Spurgeon

Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of 
a second person, hypocrisy begins ... RWEmerson

You and I do not see things as they are. 
We see things as we are -- Henry Ward Beecher

So when they win, it's their hard work. 

And when they lose, it's their bad luck ... Sanhita Baruah