Parents can help children to succeed in life

In the wake of the recent college admissions scandal, in which rich parents paid thousands or even millions of dollars to bribe coaches or have someone else take standardized tests for their children so that they could get into elite colleges, there has been a lot of discussion about admission to elite colleges and about what it takes to succeed. Going to an elite college can help, mostly in terms of networking and resume-building, but it is not the ticket to success.True success and happiness in life comes from being able to create, persevere, roll with life’s punches, and work with others. Parents and caregivers can teach children these skills from infancy onwards. 

Here are five ways parents can set up their children for success.

1. Reinforce executive function skills
   Executive function skills are our ability to pay attention, plan, troubleshoot, multitask, control our emotions, negotiate, and delay gratification. These are skills that children learn as they grow and can be taught and reinforced. There are activities and games that parents can do with their children that help build these skills, many of which involve using their imagination and interacting with others — which works best when devices are turned off, and when time is not filled up with scheduled activities.
2. Let children be independent — and let them fail
   Many parents limit their children’s independence for good reason of safety. But children cannot grow into independent adults if they never get to explore the world around them and make choices for themselves, which inevitably means that they will make at least the occasional bad choice. Learning from mistakes is some of the best learning we do. Control temptation to jump in and save them, but limit that to the real emergencies. They will do better, if parents are supportive and help them think it through. They will also learn to survive the mistakes.
3. Foster resilience
   Resilience is the ability to manage adversity, to deal with setbacks and failure and get back up again. Letting children be independent and fail helps build this. Having the consistent support of loving adults is key.
4. Build social skills and empathy
   Children need to learn how to make and keep friends, how to listen to others and care about their thoughts and feelings. From teaching “please” and “thank you” and taking turns, to getting them involved in activities involving social interactions, to getting involved in community and volunteer activities, there are many ways that parents can build these skills.
5. Encourage curiosity and creativity
   Go places like parks or museums or historical sites. Explore together. Go to the library and get books. Have lots of paper and paint around. Make things together. Watch documentaries; read the news and talk about it. Make up stories. Build things. Help your child see the world as full of fascination and possibility. Help them understand how much ability they have to create.

These are the skills that make a difference, not where someone goes to college. These are the skills that help people find their way, succeed at what they do — and have fun doing it.

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