Winners are grinners, but how much competition is too much?

Competition is great. We all have been brought up hearing mantras like ‘survival of the fittest’, ‘winner are grinners’ and ‘may the best man win’.

• In the workplace and on the sporting field winners are rewarded, whether it is with money, a medal, a promotion, or even just praise. Winners are celebrated. In recent years, there has been some backlash against this ‘win at all costs’ attitude.
• There are times when we need to be more conventional and to follow orders without question. There are times when it is more productive to be relentlessly focused on moving forward, even to the point of being unforgiving of mistakes.
• Competitiveness comes under the cluster of aggressive defensive behaviour. At the extreme end of this scale, individuals don’t just desire to win, they feel a compulsion to win at all costs. These are the people who are willing to risk everything in order to be right. They will put themselves, their teams and their families in precarious situations to avoid failure or the possibility of losing.
• Many of the successful people we admire are driven and unrelenting, single-mindedly focused on reaching the top, sometimes to the point of forgetting the people around them. These people set the bar high and don’t let anyone take advantage of them. They can always be relied upon to be 100% focused on getting the job done.
• If being competitive got us to where we are, is there such a thing as too much competition? And if so, how much is too much?
• Competitiveness and the relentless need to win, to do better, to be better is causing us stress and is ultimately killing us. This need to win and be better is also not making us happy.
• Stress puts strain on our health, our families, our children, our marriages and even our careers. Stress, a leading contributor to heart disease, is an inevitable result of continuously pushing ourselves to outdo each other in work and in life generally. With one Australian dying of cardiovascular disease every 12 minutes, removing stress from our lives is more important than ever.
• Our children are pressured to be better students, to look more attractive, to get more likes, retweets and followers, to go viral. Much of the time, they are competing against people they have never even met. Plastic surgery is increasingly popular. For women alone, the rates of plastic surgery have grown 538% since 1997. This is directly related to the competitive desire to be skinnier, younger and prettier.
• Divorce rates are also increasing because our spouses aren’t sexy, romantic, sensitive or fun enough. Social media suggests that everyone else has these amazing relationships, so we should too.
• In the workplace, employee satisfaction is decreasing, in part because it has become less acceptable to be content with simply doing a good job. Instead we are supposed to be continually focused on the next promotion, the next role or that next big bonus.
• This competitiveness means that we can’t be happy when a colleague does well; instead, we turn a critical eye on ourselves to work out why we aren’t doing as well, or we look outwards to others we might blame for our lack of success.
• Employee tenure is dropping as all of us strive to be better than one another. More of us are looking for the next best thing. The grass is always greener, there is always someone to surpass, another promotion to get, another business to start or to buy.
• Bigger cars, buffer bodies, more money… This non-stop drive to be and to have the best in everything is simply unsustainable. Something has to give.
• How do we find the right balance? How much competition is enough and how much is too much? Now I know that what I saw as a strength – competitive nature – becomes a weakness when it is taken to its extreme. It causes stress, physical exhaustion and an inability to be proud of what I have achieved. I am always chasing the next milestone, the next challenge.
• I also know that when I manage to balance my competitive drive it becomes the key to my success. Finding the balance isn’t easy but I recognize that it’s essential in order to be successful over the long-term, at the same time as maintaining my physical, emotional and mental health.

Each of us needs to find our own answer to how this necessary balance might look for us. So, how much competition is too much for you?

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Top five regrets of the dying

A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself,
   not the life others expected of me.
   Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
     
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
   They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. They deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
     
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
   Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others and they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.
      
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
   Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
      
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
   Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content.

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The conundrum of wealth

The real matrix of happiness is not linked to material wealth. Every one gets lot of joy by gathering huge amount of material wealth. Money is the oxygen of life. One must have sufficient means to live a comfortable and contented life.

• The contentment quotient of life cannot be measured with material wealth gathered through means fair and foul, that one may have stashed away. 
• The bliss of a contented life is the sum total of human relationships and humane virtues. 
• A palatial mansion that offers the greatest of luxuries will be nothing short of a veritable hell if there is no love among the family members living in that opulent bungalow. Restful sleep eludes the denizens of such a plush house who are consequently the poorest of the poor, judged on the real matrix of happiness.
• Modern man is addicted to desire to amass heaps of wealth, which has rendered him completely bankrupt in the absence of the virtue of real love. 
• Loving others unconditionally softens our hearts and makes us truly compassionate towards fellow human beings. Love is the staple diet of the human soul; it infuses positive energy into our mind and body. This energy is manifested in our attitudinal change, and we begin to empathize with the entire creation of god. 
• The feelings of hatred, jealousy, revenge and ill-will begin to die a natural death.
• The inner joy for which man is ready to pay any exorbitant price, is not a costly affair. One can even derive a sense of deep contentment within one’s soul with even a small act of compassion and courtesy. The mantra of happiness, you don’t need to shell out any money.
• Small acts of kindness & generosity should not be just restricted to the human world. It lends an equal amount of peace and tranquility to the heart of the giver even when it is lavished on the members of the animal kingdom. Being merely kind to men and ruthless to animals will deprive us of that sense of complete joy.

A little house well filled, a little field well tilled, 
and a little wife well willed are great riches ... Benjamin Franklin
Money has no utility to me beyond a certain point ... Bill Gates

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Children may not make you happy

It is a taboo that one is not allowed to say children make one unhappy and the obvious issue is why we should expect happiness from our children in the first place. It is a mistake to expect happiness from anything. Not only that, but having children ought not to be about one's personal happiness. Do we really have children only for the most selfish reasons – to please ourselves? Is it actually possible to "make" anyone happy at all? Don't depend on children because in their priorities, you get feeling of neglect. Never meddle in children's lives. Their life is theirs, not yours. Finally, reducing luxuries, minimizing expenses and simple living is sure road to happiness.

• Wanting offspring is hardwired, but for most of us, the decision to have a child is intensely personal that  has become all the more daunting in recent years that parents are miserable and stretched to the limit. 
• Parents experience a high point of happiness & euphoria when their first child was born. This is because in our areligious society children will give our lives meaning (as well as being our most likely stab at an afterlife).
• Too many parents link their well-being to the mood of their offspring and end up miserable and guilt-ridden. Our happiness is inseparable from the happiness of our children. 
• Once the initial thrill is past, do children make parents happier? Having children does not make parents happier at all and more often children make their parents unhappy. And the more children you have, the unhappier you are likely to be. Parents are no happier than their childless peers.
• Some studies find that parents are happier and more satisfied than their childless peers but some studies find no difference, and some studies find the reverse. The question of whether parents are happier than non-parents is not a meaningful one. Rather, it depends on the parent and the child.
• Parents have a tremendous fear of unhappiness. Parents are in the mad hope that their children will be consistently content. And it is daft because to be alive is to be inconsistent and sometimes to be unhappy.
• Nobel prize-winning behavioural economist Daniel Kahneman reveals that Texan mothers put childcare 16th, almost at the bottom of a list of ordinary pleasures (after sleeping, shopping, talking on the phone). Children have a detrimental effect on marriage (parents are spending more time with their children, less with one another). 
• Parents are needed for their children's survival. Happiness is neither here nor there. The best happiest times with my children are usually the least planned. We should try and lift the happiness pressure as parents. Happiness does not come when it is called. But, in the end, parenting is not about happiness, it is about love – not the same thing at all.
• Young parents and parents with small children are particularly unhappy, while other types report high life satisfaction, happiness, or meaning. Whether or not children go hand in hand with happiness depends on many factors, including our age, marital status, income and social support, as well as whether our children live with us and have difficult temperaments.

People without children are as happy as those children with them. It is the childless who often turn out to be the most creative, generous and en rapport with other people's children. As a parent, one quickly runs out of steam as a child entertainer. Perhaps it is as grandparents that we may reasonably predict future happiness – because the relationship with grandchildren is lighter, part-time and with no responsibility.

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Retired Life - Rules for happiness & peace

Money must be spent for your comforts; it may be given away to others. 

But wealth accumulated may end up with King or under the earth.

 ... a Sumathi Satakamu poem paraphrased

Children are the source of our greatest joy and our greatest sorrow. Children give our lives purpose, infuse fun and pride into our lives, and enrich our identities. At the same time, they are also vectors for worry, anger, and disappointment; they deprive us of energy and sleep; and they strain our finances and our marriages. Keeping these findings in mind, 94% of parents say that having children is still worth it, despite the costs.

Happiness everytime

India ranks 133rd among 156 countries in 2017, way below Pakistan (75th position), in the world happiness report. India lags behind almost all its neighbours except Afghanistan(145th). [China(86th), Bhutan(97th), Nepal(101st), Bangladesh(115th), and Sri Lanka (116th)]. Predictors of happiness in a society are: social connectedness, ability and opportunities to thrive, opportunities for growth, finding meaning and purpose in what we do, low crime rates and a healthy environment. Change is constant and people - after brief transitional period learn to adapt. Humans do have remarkable capacity to adapt and they usually do. In present times, chaos seems to have become order of things, but people have come to accept an enduring state of chaos as the new reality and are learning to adapt to it.

• Happiness can change, and does change, according to the quality of the society in which people live.
• Experience joy of friendship and community support.
• The longer you live, the more likely you are to become happier.
• We are happiest in our childhood and old age.
• Happiness levels steadily drop during early adulthood bottoming out in mid-40's. By age 50, those levels are in upswing again.
• Even as our happiness levels are on downward curve, we might, nevertheless, experience periods of great happiness.
• Our sliding happiness curve is due to stress and life changes in 20s, 30s & 40s. Working long hours, getting married, raising children, caring for ageing parents, putting away money for future et al.
• The youth's magical thinking that success in life is inevitable is replaced by the reality that things aren't always good. The realization is that good can from bad.
• If you have friends or relatives whom you can confide in, then you are automatically happier than people who have no one to turn to for advice or companionship.
• Social connections are good for us. Loneliness can kill. It is not the number of friends or social connections you have but the quality of your close relationship that matter.
• People who or married or live with their partners tend to be happier than those who are unattached and lonely. It is the texture of the relationships that makes the difference.
• Calling your spouse your best friend is another way of saying ' I've a got a pretty marriage'.
• Regardless of the status of one's relationship, people who have one to count on are happier, because they are not lonely.
• Most people prefer a good work-life balance above all else. Variety and learning new things are important, but not as important as work-life balance.
• If your job is preventing you from giving time to your family or partner, or if you worry about work problems even when you are not working, or if you are too tired after work to enjoy other things, that has a massive effect on your well being. 
• Stress is a major factor for unhappiness. Being content and at peace with our environment keeps negative emotions in check. A stressed unhappy person will be prone to psychosomatic conditions like anxiety, head aches, digestive issues or blood pressure fluctuations.
• The feeling of despondency and not being active, contributing member of society can deplete happiness levels.
• Staying active and eating healthy not only prevent lifestyle diseases but also boosts happiness.
• The sooner we take decisions that help us be happier, the better it is. That includes scheduling a fixed bedtime and picking up hobby or sport to balance the demands of leading a competitive lifestyle. Factoring in fun and enjoyment is essential for  peace and harmony in life.
• People who are able to feel a range of emotions, including negative ones, are happier than those who insist on feeling happy all the time.
• To make happiness a mainstay in life, we  need to (i) adjust our attitude*, (ii) learn something new#, (iii) interact differently with your partner@ (iv) focus on what you have%, (v) express gratitude& and (vi) give back$.
        * you may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can control
           how you react.
        # exploring new experiences can boost happiness and enhance
           quality of your life.
       @ after years together, couples are not as kind to each other as they
            could be. Treat your partner like a friend, involving less taking for
            granted and more positivity.
       % live in the present with what you have, forgetting shadows of past and
           bad thoughts, and  the future has a way sorting itself out.
       & instead of just feeling gratitude, expressing thankfulness spreads
           goodwill and joy and we respond to our environment in a
           positive manner.
       $ by getting involved with a cause or an organisation you will create
          opportunities to make more meaningful connections with new people.

Source: Readers Digest India | May 2018 | P68-75

The art of giving up

The irony of life that as soon as you think you have things figured out, the rules change.

• The simple rule of success is - More! Acquire more words. More food. More toys. Take more classes. Earn more degrees. Once we enter the working world the objective remains the same. Acquire knowledge. Gain experiences. Get better. Take on more. And More! 
• Life, it would seem, is about the acquisition of more knowledge and more skill and more responsibility. And those most likely to be successful are the ones with the greatest capacity for more.
• But then the rules of success change in the second phase of life which is about giving up. Doing less. It is about focusing on what you were meant to be doing, leveraging your greatest strengths and passions, and letting everything else fall to the side.
• Most successful are not the ones who can do everything, they are the ones who can do something, and do it exceptionally well. It is their confidence in the few things they excel at.
• An obsession with success can have negative side effects on what matters even more in life: being happy. Are successful people necessarily happier?
• Kids today face tremendous pressure to succeed, but is such success worth it?
• Most of us sacrifice our present-day enjoyment for the sake of a future that may never really arrive. Researchers interviewed people in the winter years of their life, and asked them what they would change about their past if they could re-live their lives. The study revealed that people consistently wished that they had been a little less work-oriented, a little less focused on being successful, and a little more pleasure-orientated, a little more focused on enjoying life. 
• When looking at success over the span of an entire career, it is our willingness to give things up that matters much more than our capacity to take things on.
• The acquisition of knowledge and experience is an extraordinary gift. But once you find it, you must summon the confidence to let other things go. You must delegate to others more talented than you. You must focus on the challenges that most excite you. This is what authentic leadership is all about.
• Success to a point requires gaining as much knowledge and experience as you can get your hands on. But breaking out to achieve the life you are capable of living eventually requires the strength to let it go.

But even more basic than figuring out which goals to pursue and which ones to abandon, is having the clarity to accord the goal of leading a happy and fulfilling life your number one priority. Do you have it? If not, be aware that you may grow to be one of those who, like the participants in the study, regret having sacrificed enjoyment for the sake of success.

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Yes, I am changing

Life lessons

1. We must love.
   It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It’s a truth so profound we can discuss it only with aphorisms. Yes, we must love, even if it breaks our hearts—because, unless we love, our lives will flash by.
2. Love isn’t enough.
   Although we must love, love is not enough to survive. We must take action to show others we care, to show them we love.
3. Happiness is not for sale.
   We can’t buy happiness. The stuff won’t make us happy. At best, material things will temporarily pacify us. At worst, they will ruin our lives. They will leave us empty, they will leave us depressed, and they will leave us even more alone.
4. Success is perspectival.
   Success is neither amassing wealth nor possessions. Having a six-figure job, the house with too many bedrooms, the luxury car, the tailored suit, the expensive watch, the big screen TV, and all the trappings of the material world would seem make you look successful. These things can make your family and friends proud of you but that is not success. All these luxuries are not luxuries after using them 20 times.
5. Make change a must.
   I didn’t have the feeling in my gut that things must change. I knew they should change, but the change wasn’t a must for me, and thus it didn’t happen. A decision is not a real decision until it is a must, until you feel it on your nerve-endings, until you are compelled to take action. Once your shoulds have turned into musts, then you are ready for change.
6. The meaning of life.
   Giving is living. The best way to live a worthwhile life is simple. Continuously grow as an individual and contribute to other people in a meaningful way. Growth and contribution is the meaning of life.
7. Health is underestimated.
   Our well-being is more important than most of us treat it. Without health, nothing else matters.
8. Sentimental items are less important.
9. Your job is not your mission.
   There’s nothing wrong with job and hard work, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of life’s more important areas like health, relationships, passion.
10. Finding your passion is important.
    Passion is not preexisting. You can cultivate a passion that aligns with your principles and desires.
11. Relationships matter.
    Every relationship is a series of gives and takes. For the relationship to work, both people must contribute to and get something. If you just give but don’t get, you’ll feel used, exploited, taken advantage of. If you only take but don’t give, you’re a parasite, a freeloader, a bottom-feeder.
12. You don’t need everyone to like you.
    We all want to be loved but you can’t value every relationship the same. You can’t expect everyone to love you the same. Life doesn’t work that way. When people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.
13. Status is a misnomer.
    Similar to success, our culture places an extraordinary emphasis on material wealth as a sign of true wealth, and yet too many people of  “status” are miserable. They don’t seem wealthy. One’s true worth is not determined by his or her net worth.
14. Jealousy is a wasted emotion.
    Competition breeds jealousy, although we give it prettier labels like “competitive spirit,” or “ambition.” Jealousy is ugly. It is never a way to express that we care. It’s only a channel through which we broadcast our insecurities.
15. Everybody worships something.
    There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship.
16. I am not the center of the universe.
    It’s difficult to think about the world from a perspective other than our own. We are always worried about what’s going on in our lives. Why am I not happy with my life? We are strongly aware of everything connected to our lives, but we are only one ingredient in a much larger recipe.
17. Awareness is the most precious freedom.
    Minimalism is a tool to rid ourselves of excess in favor of a deliberate life. It is a tool to take a seemingly intricate and convoluted world, cluttered with its endless embellishments, and make it simpler, easier, realer. It is unimaginably hard to remain conscious, attentive, and aware. It is difficult not to fall back into a trance-like state, surrounded by the trappings and obstructions of the tiring world around us—but it is crucial to do so, for this is real freedom.
18. Be on the mountain.
    This term as a metaphor means for living in the moment. When you climb to the peak, don’t immediately plan your descent. Enjoy the view. Be on the mountain. Just be.
19. We are scared for no reason.
    We are often scared of things that don’t have a real effect on our lives (or that we can’t control, so we’re worrying for no reason).
20. Change is growth.
    We all want a different outcome, and yet most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t fun. But when we learn to enjoy the process of change—when we chose to look at uncertainty as variety—then we get to reap all the rewards of change. That is how we grow.
21. Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make us perfect.
    I am not perfect, and I never will be. I make mistakes and bad decisions, and I fail at times. I stumble, I fall. I am human—a mixed bag, nuanced, the darkness and the light—as are you. And you are beautiful.
22. The past does not equal the future.
    My words are my words, and I can’t take them back. You can’t change the past, so it’s important to focus on the present. If the past equaled the future, then your windshield would be of no use to you. You would simply drive with your eyes glued to the rear view mirror. But driving this way—looking only behind you—is a sure-fire way to crash.
23. Pain can be useful, but not suffering.
    Pain lets us know something is wrong: it indicates we must change what we’re doing. Suffering, though, is a choice, and we can choose to stop suffering, to learn a lesson from the pain and move on with our lives.
24. Doubt kills.
    The person who stops you from doing everything you want to do, who stops you from being completely free, who stops you from being healthy, happy, and passionate—is you.
25. It’s okay to wait.
    Sometimes it’s okay to wait a little longer for something. Why rush if you don’t have to? Why not enjoy the journey?
26. Honesty is important.
    Honesty, at the most simple level, is telling the truth—not lying. It’s supremely important to be honest, and it’s hurtful when you’re not.
27. Openness is just as important as honesty.
    Openness involves being honest while painting an accurate picture, shooting straight, not misleading other people, and being real. Openness is far more subjective, and you must be honest with yourself before you can be open with others. This doesn’t mean you must put your entire life on display. Some things are private, and that’s okay, too.
28. Getting people’s buy-in.
    Adding value to other people is the only way to get their buy-in. That’s how you get their buy-in.
29. Hype is cancerous.
    So often we fall for the hype (“Buy More, Save More!” and “Three Day Sale!”), and we are suckered into rash buying decisions because of scarcity and a false sense of urgency. We can train ourselves, however, to not only resist such hype, but to have a vitriolic reaction to the hype that we avoid anything that’s hyped. 
30. I’m still trying to figure it all out.
    I don’t intend to promulgate my views and opinions as some sort of maxims by which you should live your life. What works for me, may not work for you. Hell, sometimes it doesn’t even work for me.

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More lessons:

1. It’s not about how people feel about you, but how you make them feel.
   Growing older has shown me the cool kids aren’t always the happy kids. I realized what people think about you isn’t nearly as important as how you make them feel.
2. Consider all advice.
   It’s amazing how much smarter our parents appear as we we get older. In many instances, if I had listened to my parents’ and grandparents’ advice, I could have avoided learning lessons the hard way. I told myself that even if I didn’t agree with what someone was telling me, I would at least consider their advice. This has forced me to look into the mirror to consider what I must change.
3. Happiness comes from within.
   Happiness comes from within, not from the things we own.
4. You’ll never be happy with more until you’re happy with what you have currently.
   It’s as simple as that. I discovered I usually don’t get rewarded in life with more until I appreciate what I have currently.
5. Forgiveness is incredibly important.
   There is a profound saying in the bible: “Freely forgive others as you forgive yourself.” When I learned how to let things go and easily forgive others, I was a much happier person. In fact, I found the bigger the wrong I forgave, the better I felt.
6. You can count your closest friends on one hand.
   As you grow older you find out who is actually your friend and who isn’t.
7. Being honest is always the right thing.
   Even when I have royally screwed up in life, I have found honesty punishes me less and gains trust more.
8. If you lie, you will get caught.
   If you lie, you will probably have to tell more lies to cover up the original lie. It’s a vicious cycle.
9. Although honesty is important, I don’t have to be completely transparent.
   Just because something is true, I don’t have to say it. I needn’t spew forth every thought that enters my head.
10. People are inherently good.
    Even the people who’ve treated me poorly are still good at some level. None of us are perfect. This has helped me be less cynical.
11. Slow down.
    We all need to slow down, breathe, and pace ourselves when we get overwhelmed.
12. Friendly people at work aren’t necessarily your friends.
    Be careful whom you open up to at work.
13. Stay true to yourself.
    If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t feel good, if it doesn’t feel like you—then don’t do it. I’m much happier when I follow this advice.
14. Every decision matters.
    Every decision we make affects our future. There is no such thing as a zero-sum decision.
15. There is no such thing as a free lunch.
    Every decision we make costs us something: be it time, emotion, money, etc.
16. “Act as if…”
    Be the change in the world you want to be. Either way, this line has helped me throughout my life.
17. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —Eleanor Roosevelt. 
    You needn’t care what people think or say about you. What they say or think is only true if you believe it’s true. Don’t let anyone get the best of you.
18. Some of life’s most profound advice is found in platitudes.
    “You can be anything you want to be,”
    “Life’s too short,”
    “Time heals all wounds,”
    “Good things come to all those that wait,” etc.
    Don’t dismiss it just because it’s a platitude.
19. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
    It’s easier for me to avoid jealousy, it’s easier for me to forgive, and it’s easier for me to overlook the negative things in life.
20. It’s all small stuff.
    Until you have a few life-changing experiences, this isn’t clear. I have had a few close calls with myself, friends, and family which have shown me how small my problems are.
21. If you don’t take care of your health, it will fade fast.
    I don’t think I need to articulate this one any more. 
22. Relationships are important.
    Don’t burn a bridge with another person if you can avoid it. You never know who will decide your fate.
23. Live life with passion.
    If I didn’t have passion in my life, I would be bored to death. If you’re bored, focus on your passions. If you don’t have time for your passions, make time.
24. If you’re not growing, you’re dying.
    If you’re not growing in life, you are simply living out your days.
25. Contribute.
    Contributing to someone else, or to a community, will make you feel good. Contribution is what makes me feel the most alive. Contributing to others keeps me going, gets me up in the mornings, and continues to inspire me.
26. In twenty years you will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do.
27. Life is happening now!
    Don’t forget to live life in the moment.
28. Learn to let go.
    This was a hard lesson but it serves true. Sometimes it’s just better to let things go. 
29. Everything changes.
    Things don’t look different day-to-day, but when you look back ten years it’s all different. Change is an absolute, and we should plan accordingly. Don’t fool yourself.
30. Procrastination is useless.
    I realized that no matter how long I put something off, it’s still there the next day. 

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Personal luxury

Luxury is not about money. It is about living a truly authentic life. Luxury products were created to help people live a more comfortable life. Comfort is readily available to anyone not through buying more, but by just slowing down and enjoying the beauty that exists in a life simply lived.

• Luxury is not the opposite of poverty. It is the opposite of vulgarity.
• True luxury is about authenticity, and cannot be created by buying more. 
• Luxury is not a matter of having more or less. 
• Luxury is about creating an environment that liberates your aspirations.
• Luxury is about removing the distractions and living life the way you want to live.
• It is not living a spartan life or the life of an ascetic. It is not about reducing for the sake of reducing. 
• It is not about an idea of giving away everything you own in order to be happy.
• The journey of life is about discovering the right balance between work and play, people and things to help you create a life that is authentically yours.
• True luxury is not about being the first to have whatever the latest marketing campaign is pitching. True luxury is a very personal idea. 
• True luxury is about being able to liberate your aspirations in your own personal way. 
• True luxury is about creating the right balance in your life so that you have time for the things that matter most.
• Those watches, cars, jets and McMansions all cost time to amass them, but also the time it takes to maintain them and to dote over them. They demand your time as you cherish them and adore them.
• There is only so much time in the world. More cannot be created. It cannot be sold or traded. It can only be drawn upon, and the less you waste on the distractions of life, the more you have to spend creating a life that is truly yours and that is a true luxury.
• Regardless of how much money you have or how many baubles you might cherish, learn to simplify your life and you will learn the value of a minute.
• Invest your time not just in managing money and things but in relationships that supports, nurtures and helps you grow.
• In the end, success and affluence and luxury is not about showing off the latest gadget. It is not about having a bigger car or larger house. It is about being able to manage your time and your life, your way.

Take the time to evaluate what is important in your life and let that be the guideline, not just for happiness, but for living a rewarding, successful, and luxurious life.

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Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy ... Robert A. Heinlein

Luxury is the enemy of growth. Abundance is neither good nor healthy 
for the growth of a child’s mind ...  Abhijit Naskar

Pros and Cons of Being Super Rich

• Riches improves quality of life. Most rich people are unhappy. Happiness can't be bought.
• It’s better to be rich than poor. And it’s nice to be super rich. 
• Affluent – Still have to work. If you are comfortable but still must work to support your lifestyle then consider yourself affluent. 
  Rich – Don’t have to work. Rich people means they do not have to work on stuff they don’t enjoy. They have time and they can do whatever they want with it. In America, net worth of  $10mn or higher are Rich.
  Super rich – Have to work to give their money away. Super rich are with net worth in the tens and hundreds of millions of dollars and up. They have more money than they could ever need for their personal lifestyle. The question of not just what to do with their time but what to do with their excess money.
• It’s nice to be super rich. You’ll fly private jets. You’ll eat nice food all the time, you’ll have aides and servants who will save you time. Problem is as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness. 
• The private jet doesn’t feel so special the 20th time you’re on it. Rather than marveling at the fact you’re on your own plane, you’re more likely to just compare it to other private planes you’ve been on.
• Happiness is the day to day bounce of emotions while happiness meaning is what you feel when you step back, take a minute, and reflect on what will go in your obituary. 
• A billionaire has said, “Nothing is going to make you feel better. Philanthropy is absolutely the best drug I’ve ever taken.”
• You can meet anyone in the world. The best part about being famous is the chance to meet other famous people.
• Unlike in the past, today there’s a tiny difference between the rich and the American middle class in terms of quality of life.
• Bill Gates has a bigger house than you or me, but for what really matters, we’re the same.
• Your quality of life is determined by the quality of your relationships.
• Any person you befriend while you are atop a perch of power is just trying to get something from you or so you suspect, and suspicion alone is enough to careen a relationship.
• Many presidents declared “no new friends” upon entering the White House.
• Being super rich can be lonely. If you try to talk about the perils of being rich and famous, someone will accuse you of self-pity.
• If you are a good person, the weight and duty of being responsible with the billions you have becomes a burden. And then it almost becomes criminal to pass that burden onto your kids. It is very hard not to have it run your life.
• Being super rich disconnects you from your fellow humans.  If you can’t remember the last time you waited in line at the airport, or if it’s been years since you drove your own car to a supermarket, you’re living in a different world. 
• Money changes your sense of morality, and usually not for the better. As you move up the class ladder, you are more likely to violate the rules of the road, to lie, to cheat, to shoplift, and to be tightfisted in giving to others. 
• Empathy goes down. It’s harder for the super rich to remain compassionate towards ordinary people.
• Perhaps wealth needs its own goldilocks story - not too much, not too little. Money is like gasoline while driving. You never want to run out, but the point of life is not to go on a tour of gas stations.
• Ideally you want to have a sum of money that is large enough to get most of the advantages of wealth but not its side effects. With enough money, you live entirely on your own terms.
• People are very critical of the wealthy in the UK. In the US entrepreneurs are celebrated.

That man is rich, whose pleasures are the cheapest ... Henry David Thoreau
Honesty is incompatible with amassing a large fortune ... Mahatma Gandhi 
In a country well governed, poverty is to be ashamed of. 
In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of ... Confucius

Living life of importance is egoistic, where as leading simple & frugal life has more fun and fulfillment. VIP life in total disconnect in a different world is just miserable. It is better to have sufficient money which gives security, freedom from compulsion to work and to pursue one's own interests & choices. Anything more is burdensome and less is fatigue. We should never lose things that money can't buy. Finally we should never consume more than what we produce. Wastage and  excess emissions are nothing but abusing nature.

Prosperity Is more than having money

The record levels of financial aid, over the last 30 years, to reduce poverty in the poorest nations of Africa has failed. The message is simple: Money as the lone transformative power for lasting national prosperity is not enough. A country needs more than just wealth to be prosperous. It needs to endow its citizens with basic human freedoms, that come from a safe water supply, a roof over their heads and the ability to hold politicians to account for these and other essentials of life. It needs to educate its children and take care of its elderly. It needs to develop a society in which people trust one another. It needs to foster a climate of entrepreneurship and innovation. None of these are achievable without the rule of law and strong, democratic governments. 

• If you ask the average person what she believes is the definition of prosperity, the typical response would be monetary wealth. True prosperity encompasses abundance of wealth, happiness, health, career, relationships, home & family and wisdom. Money has little utility after certain level.
• Wealth alone does not make for a happy and successful society. 
• Happy citizens are produced as much by democracy, freedom, and entrepreneurial opportunity as they are by a growing economy.
• Looking at one's bank balance, we may discover whether the man is rich or poor but we learn nothing about his character, his enjoyment of life, the state of his health, the quality of his education or his attitude toward the people around him.
• GDP is a measure from an age dominated by heavy industry, designed to calculate a nation’s economic production. It has evolved to become the key device used to weigh a country’s economic success, tweak taxes and tackle inflation. The measure works less well with the growing importance of services.
• Finland’s GDP per capita have decreased sharply, but its real wealth, in terms of its citizens living in a free, safe and successful nation, has improved.
• The findings of the 2010 Prosperity Index are: smaller northern European countries rank highest while the bottom two places are occupied by Zimbabwe and Pakistan. The U.K. ranks 13th (same as last year) while the U.S. ranks 10th. 
• Progress and prosperity is as much about well being and contentment as economic success. 
• The critical factors fueling prosperity are open markets, high personal freedom and strong civil society. But given the fragility of such ideas, fury against globalization and rising mood of ugly intolerance, it is always good to restate these important points.
• Nations at the bottom are improving faster than those at the top - but there are important exceptions.
• Plenty of countries, from China to Chile, have shown convergence towards the United States, the world’s biggest economy.
• Britons come third for generating prosperity, despite sluggish growth due to structural reforms but the ratings down to tenth due to their failure to share wealth. This is seen helping open divisions in societies to alarming degree. 
• Oil is exposed as a curse for developing countries, corroding democracy while fueling corruption and rent-seeking activities.
• New Zealand is picked as the planet’s most prosperous place, edging out Norway and Finland. This isolated nation is reliant on agriculture for its economy and its exports – a sector that thrived after government started to ditch subsidies in 1984. Farmers screamed this would be driving them in droves from the land. Instead they were forced to cut costs, innovate and respond to demands from consumers rather than bureaucrats. Now, they are some of the world’s most efficient and inventive producers.

Before national leaders can create effective policy to increase economic growth and social well-being in their country, they must first answer two fundamental questions: What is prosperity, and how is it achieved? 

Gross Domestic Product is an incomplete way of measuring 

a country’s progress, GDP captured  everything except that 

which makes life worthwhile ... Robert F. Kennedy.

Life's most important question

• Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to have amazing relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired. It’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.
• Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence. But not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.
• Everybody wants to have awesome relationship. But not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there.
• Happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative. Positive experience is easy to handle. It’s negative experience that we all struggle with. We get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.
• People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.
• People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.
• People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections. It’s part of the game of love. 
• What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.
• If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.
• You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?
• I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.
• Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.
• This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely.

No pain. No gain.
You can’t win if you don’t play.
God seldom gives us all we need to understand, 
but He always gives us all we need to obey

Ten life lessons to excel in 30's

30 second speech by Bryan Dyson

My View:

If one doesn't learn life's realities on his own, then adversity will teach him the lessons in a bitterest way. If you try to be cool, you will never be cool. If you try to be happy, then you will never be happy. Happiness is not something you obtain, but rather something you inhabit. Happiness is not achieved in itself, but rather it is the side effect of a particular set of ongoing life experiences. You can’t buy happiness and you can’t achieve happiness. Pleasure is great but it’s not happiness. Pleasure does not cause happiness. Happiness is what you get when other parts of your life are in order. 

Retired Life - Rules for Happiness & Peace

1. Subject to health, post retirement years are the best years of life.
2. Live in your own home. Enjoy independence & privacy.
3. Just be happy with what you have. Never part with your cash, fixed deposits etc.
4. Invest conservatively. Ensure monthly income is sufficient for living & healthcare.
5. Minimize your tax obligations. 
6. Don't get involved in high risk activities and lose health, happiness and peace of mind. 
7. Don't switch careers. Adapting to a new work environment and duties is stressful.
8. Taking job in the same field less stressful and good for mental health. 
9. Instead go for advisory or consultant roles with fixed remuneration and no risks.
10. Social hobbies and working in group gives most happiness.
11. Children doesn’t necessarily generate happiness. But stay nearer to them.
12. Don't depend on children. In their priorities, you get feeling of neglect.
13. Don't meddle in children's lives. Their life is theirs, not yours.
14. Reduce luxuries. Minimize expenses. Simplicity is sure road to happiness.
15. Take care of health and follow doctor's advice meticulously.
16. Avoid conflicts and arguments. They lead you to no where.
17. Expand your circle of friends of similar age group.
18. Don't compare with others.
19. Don't dole out unsolicited advice.
20. Expect nothing from anybody.
21. Socialize. Never miss opportunity to attend functions and gatherings.
22. Pursue your hobbies.
23. Travel only if you will enjoy.
24. Never use your old age to demand priority, respect or concern.
25. Listen to what others say; think and make your own decisions.
26. Pray only to seek God's grace, not favors.
27. Be active, exercise with in the limits of age & heath.
28. Gardening is one of the best ways to be happy & healthy.
29. Preserve & maintain good health.
30. If you own properties execute will and register it. 
31. Alternately gift and mutate titles in favor of children or grand children while continue enjoying the assets.

Note: A poem in Sumathi Satakamu is paraphrased below:
"Money must be spent for your comforts; it may be given away to others. But wealth accumulated may end up with King or under the earth"