Leading a double life would seem to be the exclusive domain of professional spies, fictional secret agents and undercover operatives with foreign accents.
- Ordinary men and women sometimes hide extraordinary secrets from their families, friends and co-workers. A well-respected chief executive who embezzles funds from his company. The man with two wives and two sets of children who know nothing of one another's existence. Leading a double life is not as uncommon or abnormal as it may sound. In the most shocking scenarios, these dual lives lead to criminal acts, violence and, even murder.
- Thousands of men and women are living in two worlds, caught in a web of lies, risks and shame that ultimately force them into secret behavior that is far different from their everyday existence.
- Almost 70% of males and 50% of females have an extramarital affair at some point over the course of their marriage. What this says is that most people lead double lives, at some time in their life.
- When that duality spins out of control, ruins careers, shatters families and, sometimes ends up in a prison sentence. This destructive duality can stem from an individual's inability to integrate two conflicting, opposite sides of a personality.
- People who are not able to do this can end up splitting off the different aspects of their personality. Lying becomes their way of life.
- Duality exists in most peoples' lives. At one end of the spectrum are daydreams -- harmless fantasies that exist in the mind and are generally not acted upon. Daydreams are often private and secret, but they're not dangerous. Everybody has daydreams at one time or another, and usually they're playful, happy and forward-looking.
- It is common for most people to have a public self and a private self, but some people cross the line when exploring the darker side of their nature, creating a situation that is dangerous and destructive. This behavior is sometimes obsessional, extreme and irrational, and without much regard for the consequences.
- The double life unravels when the person is caught and the secret revealed. Some actions may be an unconscious cry for help, but there are ways to put a stop to the behavior before disaster.
- It's important to recognize what's happening before the situation spins out of control. If you notice yourself engaging in continuous high-risk behavior (carrying on multiple affairs, gambling away your paycheck), and that behavior has an obsessive element that makes it dangerous and unpleasant, it's time to change. One strategy is to break the pattern of secrecy and to get some external input. Telling a trusted friend, a priest, a psychologist can be very helpful. It is crucial to seek psychological counseling.
- Although the secret life appears to be beyond your control, it's really a self-determined course of action that can be altered. To get to that point force yourself to examine the consequences of your actions.
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