Improve your marriage

Every marriage has its ups and downs. Conflict is a normal, even healthy, part of any relationship. What’s important is how you handle it. The rules for marriage are simple. No sudden moves, don’t crowd the other person, and keep all disastrous thoughts to yourself. Misery is the secret of happiness in marriage. Go make yourself miserable, and then come home. 

• Positive thinking can transform your life and your marriage immediately. Having a positive attitude can take practice, but the contagiousness of positivity can save your marriage.
• Positive thinking can reduce stress levels and may increase lifespan, improve cardiovascular health, lower depression levels, and even cut down on the common cold. 
• It’s basically impossible to be positive 100% of the time. But being mindful of your attitude is the key to making positivity an outlook you can attempt on the hardest of days.
• Showing gratitude and appreciating spouse is a great way to truly see all the things that they do for you. 
• The happier you feel, the happier your relationship will be, and the easier it will be to manage conflicts.
• Few people know your spouse as well as you do, so he or she will undoubtedly appreciate the power of your full attention. 
• Stopping to listen to your partner is a luxury you don’t have. Before you speak, take a minute to listen and empathize. Stop and listen to what your partner is saying. Showing empathy can improve communication.
• Steer clear of criticism, confrontation and hostility. Avoid verbalising critical thoughts, keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes. If a fight does start, try to change the subject, inject gentle humor, empathize or show your partner extra appreciation. Walk away and cool off for a while.
• If you find yourself in the middle of a heated argument, take 10 minutes to calm down and reconvene when the stress has left the room. Go for a walk, listen to a couple of your favorite songs, or agree to take a break together to put your disagreement aside. When you’ve both relaxed, you’ll be able to come back at your discussion with a fresh perspective.
• It’s tempting to blame your partner when you feel angry, disappointed, bored, betrayed or stressed out about your relationship. The next wrong step is expecting your mate as the one who must change for the relationship to improve. Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your companion, magic happens. Optimism increases. And you both feel motivated to change in ways that lead to even more joy.
• We get caught up in the daily chores and we feel like we don’t have time to have hobbies. May be you have hobbies, but they don’t involve your spouse. Put an activity on the calendar you can both look forward to. There are countless hobbies or vacation that you can start together that take very little time or money, but can strengthen your marriage considerably. 
• If you haven’t had a vacation in a very long time, plan a trip - even a one-night getaway counts. The much-needed time away from home can be refreshing and rejuvenating. 
• Here are little ways to make your spouse feel loved. Sit down and reminisce the photo albums of some of your favorite moments together. Revisiting some of your old wonderful experience to share and will bring about new memories for your long, happy future together.
• Be sure that compliments and thank yous are heartfelt and specific, and make eye contact when you smile. Speak less and listen more.

The couple that plays together stays together.

Marriage is not a contest; Never keep score.
In marriages, there are neither guarantees nor rules.

Happiness everytime

India ranks 133rd among 156 countries in 2017, way below Pakistan (75th position), in the world happiness report. India lags behind almost all its neighbours except Afghanistan(145th). [China(86th), Bhutan(97th), Nepal(101st), Bangladesh(115th), and Sri Lanka (116th)]. Predictors of happiness in a society are: social connectedness, ability and opportunities to thrive, opportunities for growth, finding meaning and purpose in what we do, low crime rates and a healthy environment. Change is constant and people - after brief transitional period learn to adapt. Humans do have remarkable capacity to adapt and they usually do. In present times, chaos seems to have become order of things, but people have come to accept an enduring state of chaos as the new reality and are learning to adapt to it.

• Happiness can change, and does change, according to the quality of the society in which people live.
• Experience joy of friendship and community support.
• The longer you live, the more likely you are to become happier.
• We are happiest in our childhood and old age.
• Happiness levels steadily drop during early adulthood bottoming out in mid-40's. By age 50, those levels are in upswing again.
• Even as our happiness levels are on downward curve, we might, nevertheless, experience periods of great happiness.
• Our sliding happiness curve is due to stress and life changes in 20s, 30s & 40s. Working long hours, getting married, raising children, caring for ageing parents, putting away money for future et al.
• The youth's magical thinking that success in life is inevitable is replaced by the reality that things aren't always good. The realization is that good can from bad.
• If you have friends or relatives whom you can confide in, then you are automatically happier than people who have no one to turn to for advice or companionship.
• Social connections are good for us. Loneliness can kill. It is not the number of friends or social connections you have but the quality of your close relationship that matter.
• People who or married or live with their partners tend to be happier than those who are unattached and lonely. It is the texture of the relationships that makes the difference.
• Calling your spouse your best friend is another way of saying ' I've a got a pretty marriage'.
• Regardless of the status of one's relationship, people who have one to count on are happier, because they are not lonely.
• Most people prefer a good work-life balance above all else. Variety and learning new things are important, but not as important as work-life balance.
• If your job is preventing you from giving time to your family or partner, or if you worry about work problems even when you are not working, or if you are too tired after work to enjoy other things, that has a massive effect on your well being. 
• Stress is a major factor for unhappiness. Being content and at peace with our environment keeps negative emotions in check. A stressed unhappy person will be prone to psychosomatic conditions like anxiety, head aches, digestive issues or blood pressure fluctuations.
• The feeling of despondency and not being active, contributing member of society can deplete happiness levels.
• Staying active and eating healthy not only prevent lifestyle diseases but also boosts happiness.
• The sooner we take decisions that help us be happier, the better it is. That includes scheduling a fixed bedtime and picking up hobby or sport to balance the demands of leading a competitive lifestyle. Factoring in fun and enjoyment is essential for  peace and harmony in life.
• People who are able to feel a range of emotions, including negative ones, are happier than those who insist on feeling happy all the time.
• To make happiness a mainstay in life, we  need to (i) adjust our attitude*, (ii) learn something new#, (iii) interact differently with your partner@ (iv) focus on what you have%, (v) express gratitude& and (vi) give back$.
        * you may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can control
           how you react.
        # exploring new experiences can boost happiness and enhance
           quality of your life.
       @ after years together, couples are not as kind to each other as they
            could be. Treat your partner like a friend, involving less taking for
            granted and more positivity.
       % live in the present with what you have, forgetting shadows of past and
           bad thoughts, and  the future has a way sorting itself out.
       & instead of just feeling gratitude, expressing thankfulness spreads
           goodwill and joy and we respond to our environment in a
           positive manner.
       $ by getting involved with a cause or an organisation you will create
          opportunities to make more meaningful connections with new people.

Source: Readers Digest India | May 2018 | P68-75

Life of riches, is not a rich life

• Poverty is deprivation. Deprivation of food, water, shelter makes you realize the importance of life and teaches you ways to survive, means to exist. Deprivation of opportunity teaches you that lives are unfair, you've got to accept it, you've got to fight against it, and you have to fight to find a place to stand and mark your presence. Deprivation of power teaches to take a different route, which is full of hard work and struggle. Deprivation of riches makes you fearless.
• Poverty and deprivation makes you appreciate the smaller things in life that many take for granted. 
• Money helps you achieve your goals, provide for your future, and make life more enjoyable, but merely having the stuff doesn’t guarantee fulfillment.
• There is a danger that increased income can actually make you miserable. Your desire to spend grows with it. The key is finding a balance between having too little and having too much, and that’s no easy task. Money can’t make you happy if your increased wealth brings increased expectations.
• The so called riches that money can buy actually leaves you poorer in happiness, health, and relationships.
• Rich life is purely personal. It is how you spend your time, not with the things you own. Whatever it is that makes you happy while you’re doing it, do it. A rich life is about spending time on whatever is valuable to you. 
• Letting go of anger or hurt rewards one with peace of mind, a priceless freedom. The act of forgiveness is a true testament to your inner strength.
• Gentleness is one of the greatest virtues. The ability to be strong without being abrupt or harsh is a rare and valuable quality.
• Patience isn’t easy in this age of instant gratification. With patience, you can achieve things over time that may seem impossible.
• Gratitude develops out of humility. With gratitude and humility, right actions come naturally. Gratitude ought to be a way of life. Be grateful but don't expect gratitude.
• Generosity is a sign of emotional maturity. Being generous is being thoughtful and considerate without being asked. Generous people experience the richness of life which a selfish person cannot even dream of. Selfishness brings its own revenge. Be sensitive to other's feelings.
• Kindness brings its own rich rewards—inner peace, happiness, and the knowledge that you are making a real difference in the world. It is better to treat a friend with kindness while he is living than display flowers on his grave when he is dead. Kind words never hurt the tongue.
• Compassion is to understand and feel another’s pain is a truly selfless act. It allows you to appreciate the areas of ease and plenty in your own life. What good is intellectual education without understanding human dignity and compassion? 
• Love is making emotional connection with others, whether it’s your partner, family, or friend, brings an abundance into your life that money can never hope to match.
• Vulnerability is letting down your defenses and showing your weaknesses allows others to see the full picture, not just a silhouette. Being vulnerable builds trust in relationships. By consciously letting others in, initially unremarkable relationships could blossom into great friendships.
• Contentment is realizing you already have abundance in your life brings serenity and contentment. Achieving this in a materialistic world takes a special skill.

Be a better person: Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and wrong. Because some time in our lives we would have been all of these ourselves.

The fortunate man is he who, born poor, or nobody, works gradually up to 

wealth and consideration, and, having got them, dies before he finds 

they were not worth so much trouble ... Charles Reade

Read Kalyana Sundaram - Man of the Millineum

Read Charles Francis Feeney - James Bond of philanthropy

My View:

We all get enlightenment of life, usually in later years. The winner is who gets it early. There is nothing wrong in sensual pleasures and enjoying them within the framework of social norms and laws of the land. Renunciation is not running away from life's responsibilities but changing our attitude towards life. It is important we lead our lives in such a way that at the end we leave this earth a better place than we found it. We must maintain consumption and emissions to minimum. Leading life of austerity and contentment enables us enjoy richness of life. We should thrive to fulfill our responsibilities towards nature, society, work, family and self - in the same order.

Trust

Trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. And one in which confidence is placed. 

Trust is fundamental to life. If you cannot trust in anything, life becomes intolerable, a constant battle against paranoia and looming disaster. You can’t have relationships without trust. Intimacy depends on it. People claim to be overworked and under constant pressure don’t delegate, because they don’t trust people to do what they’ve been asked to do; so they have to take on every significant task themselves. It’s not the pressure of actual work that’s driving them towards some stress-related illness, it’s their lack of trust in anyone and anything. Trust has to start somewhere. Why not with you? Why not today? Why not right now? 

• Trust is a rare commodity these days.
• Trust affects a leader’s impact and the company’s bottom line more than any other single thing.
• It's a mistake for a leader to assume that others trust him simply by virtue of his title.
• Trust must be earned, and it takes time. 
• You will be trusted as leader, only to the degree that people believe in your ability, consistency, integrity, and commitment to deliver. 
• You can earn trust over time, by building and maintaining eight key strengths:
  (1) Clarity: People trust the clear and mistrust or distrust the ambiguous.
  (2) Compassion: People put faith in those who care beyond themselves.
  (3) Character: Do what is right ahead of what is easy.
  (4) Contribution: Few things build trust quicker than actual results.
  (5) Competency: Stay fresh, relevant, and capable.
  (6) Connection: People want to follow, buy from, and be around friends.
  (7) Commitment: People believe in those who stand through adversity.
  (8) Consistency: Little things done consistently makes big difference. 
• Commitment builds trust.
• You can have compassion and character, but without the results you promised, people won’t trust you. 
• The key competency is the ability to learn amid chaos. 
• Arrogance attitude prevent you from growing, and compromises others’ confidence in you. 
• Trust is all about relationships, and relationships are best built by establishing genuine connection. Ask questions, listen, and above all, show gratitude. Grateful people are not entitled to complaining and gossiping.
• Do the little things, consistently. The great leaders consistently do the small but most important things first. The little things done consistently make for a higher level of trust and better results.

Trust can’t be built overnight. It requires time, effort, diligence, and character. Inspiring trust is not slick or easy to fake. Focus on these eight components with every action, you will foster trusted relationships with employees, customers, suppliers, or fellow leaders that will drive results.

Intimate sharing among strangers is a fact. Trust can exist among strangers. Trust and discretion exist among strangers online when sufficient information exists to act as social cues for trustworthiness or connections to other individuals for whom the trustworthiness decision has already been made.

Trust is a funny thing like love and life; 
you never really know you can trust some one until you know you can't; 
you won't know if you don't try.

My View:
Most people are trust worthy to certain extent. Some people fail miserably. But it is worth while to get along life with majority trustworthy people, until one proves untrustworthy. Otherwise, one ends up doing everything without discretion and delegation and can't grow or collapse under own weight. Trust is sometimes confused with naivete or hallowed by optimism, but trust and its corollary discretion, are what makes social interaction possible. Everyone is out for themselves subconsciously. They will sell you out the moment they are tempted with riches or power. However, checks and balances mitigates risks involved. No one is trustworthy one hundred percent except spouse.