Adultery and its consequences

Adultery is one of the worst things that can happen to a marriage and demolishes everything you’ve built with your partner in such a personal way. Infidelity can feel like a death of trust, the death of affection, the death of all the work you’ve done in your marriage. The fatal blow to any marriage is an adulterous affair where one or both spouses think they finally found their soul mate. Once convinced that he or she married the wrong person, the idea of divorce can take root and grow. Blinded by the deception of the affair, most people have no idea how they got there, and don’t know how to get out. There’s no doubt that adultery affects marriages in the worst way. 

• Cheating is one of the easiest ways to damage a relationship. It shatters trust.
• Guilt and shame are big components of adultery for both who cheat and for the wounded spouse.
• When infidelity is discovered in a marriage, it is a black mark, embarrassment and shame for the cheating spouse and even  more for the wounded spouse.
• The wounded spouse wants to shrink, wants to hide and indeed feels as if he or she is tainted. The persistent negative thoughts can make life constricted.
• A fatal consequence of adultery is broken trust and loss of intimacy. An entangled affair is always the result of an intimacy deficit in the marital relationship. 
• Part of the lure of the affair for an unfaithful spouse was the opportunity to be himself or herself. They desperately needed that freedom to be themselves, to be accepted and appreciated. 
• Cheating may not always end in divorce but it can have a devastating impact. About 60% of men and 40% has extramarital affair at some point during their married life. The depth of betrayal and emotional pain that often leads to divorce after infidelity. 
• Negative emotions are hard to put behind but will eventually fade and life will become normal again. For that to happen, you need to divorce and that is exactly how most people deal with infidelity in their marriages.
• Infidelity is lonely and isolating. If you’re unfaithful, you don’t want to tell anyone for fear of being labeled bad. If you’ve been betrayed you also don’t want to tell anyone for fear of the pity or the sense of shame and the unsolicited advice. 
• It’s also hard to find a safe place or group of people you can talk to and not be told what you should do or how you should feel.
• On top of the dangers of being exposed to different sexually transmitted diseases when a partner cheats can occur.
• Being cheated on can make you feel awful, but also ill. Infidelity can lead to illness. Infidelity can develop mental illness and can also have consequences for a person’s physical health.
• The discovery of a partner’s infidelity can be a psychologically traumatic and can trigger post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that can lead to depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety and even flashbacks to the discovery. 
• Adultery may mean that you have to start all over again within or outside of the marriage. After years of marriage, discovering the affair can destroy you. Friends may disappear that leads you to isolation. It feels like everything you’ve worked hard for is destroyed. 
• Even if you choose to stay together, it will never be the same again. The pain gets less intense but the mind never seems to rest. Somewhere inside you have to find renewed strength to begin to redefine yourself all over again. 

Cheating can collapse even the strongest bonds and is especially dangerous because it has the power to implode your relationship. Don’t cheat on your spouse, unless you’re ready for some major consequences.

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Implosion of trust

• The year 2017 witnessed the largest-ever drop in trust across the institutions of government, business, media and NGOs.
• Trust in media fell to an all-time lows, while trust levels in government dropped and is the least trusted institution. The credibility of leaders also is in peril: CEO credibility dropped globally to an all-time low, plummeting in every country, while government leaders remains least credible.
• The mass population distrusts their institutions, compared to the informed public.
• The implications of the global trust crisis are deep and wide-ranging. It began with the Great Recession of 2008, but like the second and third waves of a tsunami, globalization and technological change have further weakened people’s trust in global institutions. The consequence is virulent populism and nationalism as the mass population has taken control away from the elites.
• Current populist movements are fueled by a lack of trust in the system and economic and societal fears, including corruption, immigration, globalization, eroding social values and the pace of innovation.
• Politicians and the government are in real trouble. People don’t think they are the solution. They simply don’t trust them. The majority of people believe blunt, outspoken, spontaneous straight-talkers over rehearsed and diplomatic communicators.
• The cycle of distrust is magnified by the emergence of a media echo chamber that reinforces personal beliefs while shutting out opposing points of view. People favor search engines and more likely to ignore information that supports a position they do not believe in.
• People now view media as part of the elite. The lack of trust in media has also given rise to the fake news phenomenon and politicians speaking directly to the masses. Media outlets must take a more local and social approach.
• The dispersion of authority is evident. An ordinary person is now just as credible a source of information about a company as is a technical or academic expert, and far more credible than a CEO and government official.
• Business is viewed as the only one that can make a difference. Many believe a company can take actions to both increase profits and improve economic and social conditions in the community where it operates. Moreover, among those who are uncertain about whether the system is working for them, it is business that they trust most.
• Yet business finds itself on the brink of distrust of the public seeing it stoking their fears. A majority of population  worries about losing their jobs due to the impacts of globalization, lack of training or skills, immigrants who work for less, jobs moving to cheaper markets and automation.
• Business is the last retaining wall for trust. Its leaders must step up on the issues that matter for society. It has done a masterful job of illustrating the benefits of innovation but has done little to discuss the impact those advances will have on people’s jobs. Business must also focus on paying employees fairly, while providing better benefits and job training.
• Trust in business & NGOs dropped. Employees are trusted more than CEOs. In many countries people have lost faith in the system. Trust in traditional media and social media dropped. Only online media received the biggest bump in trust.

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Now a days, we don’t trust anything, or anyone. Mistrust is high, morale is low and trust is in crisis.Trust has been so much corroded that we now trust leaked information much more than traditional news sources and algorithms over human editors. Trust in institutions has evaporated to such an extent that falsehood can be misconstrued as fact, strength as intelligence, and self-interest as social compact. To rebuild trust and restore faith in the system institutions must move beyond their traditional roles of business as actor and innovator; governments as referee and regulator; media as watchdog; and NGOs as social conscience. Companies can build trust by treating employees well, offer high-quality products and services and listening to their customers. With employees more credible than a CEO, companies should work harder to get their customers and their expert employees to speak and advocate for them as much as possible. Companies have to show that they are not just listening but are also learning and responding to any feedback that they are given. The winners will be those that are more open, responsive and leverage the collective voices of both their employees and their customers.

Trust & Respect can't be demanded; they have to be earned

 

• I am not supporter of "judges appointing judges" i.e. SC Collegium that do not invite applications from all eligible candidates prior to processing thus undermining the democractic principle of equality of opportunity.
• If PM and LM etc are that much trustworthy where is the need for checks and balances? Does Ravi Shankar Prasad wants all institutions be dismantled just because people elected them?
• Democracy becomes stronger only with strengthening of institutions, transparency & accountability of all decision making authorities, following due procedure for each and every decision, thread bare discussion about the suitability of every decision and minimal or nil use of discrete powers by people in responsible positions even under extreme conditions. In any case parliament's prior approval must be mandatory in 99% cases and post-facto approval in very very few emergency situations. Otherwise ours is pseduo democracy.
• Trust and respect are funny things. They can't be demanded; they have to be earned. The more you crave for them the more they elude you.
• Modi is elected by people not out of any trust but due to lack of choice. They thought he is better of all devils.
• Modi was elected by people to be their PM for 5 years to administer the nation with in the framework of constitution and laws. Nothing more; nothing less. What ever he wants to do he must follow due process of law. He can't get a dream in the midnight and do it next day morning.
• Finally, the fact that every decision originates from PMO indicates his gross disrespect for others and institutions and exhibits his authoritarian tendencies. History is a testimony for every dictator going down sooner or later, often ignominiously.

In this world, no one is trustworthy 100%

Once a cheater, always a cheater

Who can you trust? That’s the gamble, and when it comes to choosing a partner, fidelity is a core aspect most of us require. You can trust everyone–to be who they already are. Take a clear-eyed view of your partner; accept that you aren’t going to change them; weigh the available evidence; and get honest about your own comfort level. 

• The old adage ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ has the ability to brutally tarnish your reputation in future relationships. Yet the adage isn’t always true. 
• When people get caught cheating, they often promise never to cheat again. Making such a promise, however, doesn’t predict what will happen next. 
• Cheating is caused by a host of factors.
• If you don’t (or can’t) change the underlying reasons of cheating in the first place, it will most likely happen again. 
• One bad decision can have a knock-on effect for future relationships.
• People who have been unfaithful in the past are far more likely to do it again & again.
• If a cheater feels guilty about lying the first time, they are much less likely to experience the same level of regret the next time.
• Those who had cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to do the same in their next relationship.
• Serial cheaters initially felt bad about cheating, but have cheated so much they've adapted to their ways and simply don't feel bad about cheating any more.
• People who suspected their first relationship partners of cheating were four times more likely to report suspicion in later relationships.
• Admitting you were unfaithful in past relationships is a gamble. 
• Telling small lies desensitizes our brains to the associated negative emotions, which may encourage us to tell bigger lies in the future.
• In other words, those little white lies we tell all the time might build up into bigger, more serious untruths.
• Change is possible, but difficult. It requires a lot of insight and effort. Without some type of counseling and a strong commitment to change, people often make the same mistake again.
• A drunk driver knows on an intellectual level that drinking and driving is potentially fatal to themselves or others on the road but until they spend the night in jail, lose their license and pay fines they don’t recognize the extent of the consequences.

We need to pay attention to our romantic pasts
in order to make better choices for our future relationships.

An university's social survey found that 21% of married men and around 15% of married women have cheated on their spouses. If the betrayer takes responsibility for what happened, without blaming others, they tend to stay faithful. More than that, they need to acknowledge what caused the breakdown within their relationship and understand what factors pushed them to cheat. If they blame their partner or lack insight into their actions, chances are, they’ll do it again. If recovery is going to happen, the betrayed spouse has to be willing to forgive. If both partners approach the problem with an open mind, it’s possible for a couple to heal and move past infidelity. Through revitalized commitment and effort the couple can move on and experience a stronger relationship than ever before.

It is human propensity to cheat first time with great care, with less care second time and recklessly third time on wards and if caught, deny it shamelessly. Very rarely people realize their wrongdoings, apologize and return to normal path of honesty. Human beings rarely change. In the company of bad people, good people turn bad. But in the company of good people, bad people never turn good. It is better for good people to avoid bad people. 

Stand with anybody that stands right, stand with him while he is right 

and part with him when he goes wrong ... Abraham Lincoln

Trust

Trust is defined as assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. And one in which confidence is placed. 

Trust is fundamental to life. If you cannot trust in anything, life becomes intolerable, a constant battle against paranoia and looming disaster. You can’t have relationships without trust. Intimacy depends on it. People claim to be overworked and under constant pressure don’t delegate, because they don’t trust people to do what they’ve been asked to do; so they have to take on every significant task themselves. It’s not the pressure of actual work that’s driving them towards some stress-related illness, it’s their lack of trust in anyone and anything. Trust has to start somewhere. Why not with you? Why not today? Why not right now? 

• Trust is a rare commodity these days.
• Trust affects a leader’s impact and the company’s bottom line more than any other single thing.
• It's a mistake for a leader to assume that others trust him simply by virtue of his title.
• Trust must be earned, and it takes time. 
• You will be trusted as leader, only to the degree that people believe in your ability, consistency, integrity, and commitment to deliver. 
• You can earn trust over time, by building and maintaining eight key strengths:
  (1) Clarity: People trust the clear and mistrust or distrust the ambiguous.
  (2) Compassion: People put faith in those who care beyond themselves.
  (3) Character: Do what is right ahead of what is easy.
  (4) Contribution: Few things build trust quicker than actual results.
  (5) Competency: Stay fresh, relevant, and capable.
  (6) Connection: People want to follow, buy from, and be around friends.
  (7) Commitment: People believe in those who stand through adversity.
  (8) Consistency: Little things done consistently makes big difference. 
• Commitment builds trust.
• You can have compassion and character, but without the results you promised, people won’t trust you. 
• The key competency is the ability to learn amid chaos. 
• Arrogance attitude prevent you from growing, and compromises others’ confidence in you. 
• Trust is all about relationships, and relationships are best built by establishing genuine connection. Ask questions, listen, and above all, show gratitude. Grateful people are not entitled to complaining and gossiping.
• Do the little things, consistently. The great leaders consistently do the small but most important things first. The little things done consistently make for a higher level of trust and better results.

Trust can’t be built overnight. It requires time, effort, diligence, and character. Inspiring trust is not slick or easy to fake. Focus on these eight components with every action, you will foster trusted relationships with employees, customers, suppliers, or fellow leaders that will drive results.

Intimate sharing among strangers is a fact. Trust can exist among strangers. Trust and discretion exist among strangers online when sufficient information exists to act as social cues for trustworthiness or connections to other individuals for whom the trustworthiness decision has already been made.

Trust is a funny thing like love and life; 
you never really know you can trust some one until you know you can't; 
you won't know if you don't try.

My View:
Most people are trust worthy to certain extent. Some people fail miserably. But it is worth while to get along life with majority trustworthy people, until one proves untrustworthy. Otherwise, one ends up doing everything without discretion and delegation and can't grow or collapse under own weight. Trust is sometimes confused with naivete or hallowed by optimism, but trust and its corollary discretion, are what makes social interaction possible. Everyone is out for themselves subconsciously. They will sell you out the moment they are tempted with riches or power. However, checks and balances mitigates risks involved. No one is trustworthy one hundred percent except spouse.

Why Indians evade taxes?

No body in this world pays taxes most willingly and smilingly. That would be very strange economics and irrational. In India with 40% people being poor and 60% people living on daily wages, the real number of people with liability of income tax in any case can not exceed 10%. While salaried class in formal economy are inescapable, most people in cash based informal economy don't maintain books of accounts and avoid income tax and other taxes as well. In the past there was thinking of expanding tax base and research discovered that this would result in much work and less gain and government then decided to have narrow tax base with efficient realization of taxes. With corruption and tax evasion rampant, the economy is in trouble and unless all loopholes are plugged, citizen trust in government, which is already low,  will vanish. With technological advancements it is not a difficult task to improve efficiency with time.

The tax evasion propensity of Indians stem from some deep seated hangover from feudal times when the state was exploitative and citizens considered taxation system as - exorbitant and arbitrary; fundamentally illegitimate; excessively burdensome; irrationally complex; patently corrupt; simple greed. It is usually a varying combination of the above. As long as people are poor and less educated and governments are irresponsible, inefficient and blatantly corrupt in public spending, efforts for higher tax realizations will be thwarted by its citizens.

• Tax evasion was determined by the trade off between tax rates and the cost of punishment for noncompliance. Higher tax rates increase the incentive to cheat as one saves more money from evasion, while the cost of noncompliance deters avoidance. 
• In the United States cheating on taxes is a criminal offence and offenders will be imprisoned as a consequence. In Switzerland, it is a civil offense: they levy a fine, then send you back to work, in order to earn and pay. Some Scandinavian countries with high tax rates and comfortable prisons have low tax evasion.
• It is the psychological factor of "citizen trust" that is determinant in explaining the pervasiveness of tax evasion in India.
• With respect to taxation, citizens need to sense three types of trust: (i) The taxes levied will be used to pay for valued services (ii) Their fellow citizens will pay their due share (iii) There is a fair process for revenue collection.
• In India, less than 2% of the population pays income tax, is that the trust of citizens on all these three dimensions is low. 
• Taxes are necessary for government for meeting expenses of governance, law and order, defense, welfare, infrastructure, etc. While governments will always be inefficient, because they are spending someone else’s money rather their own, it is a question of how much inefficient they are.
• It is crisis in trust between citizens and the government. While revenue collection has grown by leaps and bounds, citizens do not see any tangible effects on their lives. Roads are worse, public transportation is broken, the police are viewed as widely corrupt, and government schools and hospitals are always the last resort. Consequently, Indians do not see their taxes being used efficiently.
• The perception is that the largest tax offenders go scot free, while the more honest or compliant individuals and enterprises are pursued aggressively. To many, it seems there is a penalty for being honest. 

Our distrust is very expensive ... RW Emerson

My View:
It is well known that corruption is rampant at all levels in public domain. Any honest person is either sidelined or crushed. Govt schools and hospitals, in dilapidated condition, are the last resort of poorest person. Firstly, transparency and accountability, legitimacy, checks and balances must be enforced at all levels in public domain encompassing politicians, civil servants, police, judiciary and businessmen by bringing them under Lok Pal and RTI and granting autonomy & teeth to CVC, CBI, ACB etc, otherwise rebuilding public trust & confidence is impossible. Secondly, reforms in elections, justice dispensation systems etc to reduce role of dirty money effecting day to day life of common man. Thirdly, discretionary powers should be replaced with well defined processes at all levels. Fourthly, no public expenditure should be incurred without budget and prior legislative approval with the exception of managing calamities & disasters. All these require several years or even decades, but foundation has to be laid now. Quality education and healthcare should be made affordable and accessible to even to the poorest man. Education, awareness creation and strengthening institutions are the keys. Corruption, tax evasion, crimes etc are at present high profit and low risk activities and should be transformed into low profit and high risk activities, with active vigilance and heavier penalties & punishments. Finally tax administration reforms and tracking data, without intruding citizen's rights and privacy, will yield favorable results over time. Both political will and administrative honesty are necessary for any meaningful reforms and transformation to take place. Integrity, transparency, accountability, legitimacy, honesty, ethics, efficiency, economy, effectiveness, professionalism and social equity are principles of public administration and politics. These traits must be inculcated through continuous training especially in civil servants, who are the face of government with people. Not so easy, but beginning must be made and over time every thing will happen otherwise we will diminish ourselves into rogue nation.

Saddled with corruption, when government becomes unresponsive, people will ignore or bypass it and takes law into their hands or takes help of mafia. Laws can only punish culprits, if caught, but education transforms and empowers society.