Avoid being judgmental

• We are all judgmental. It’s human nature. 
• While it is in our nature to be judgmental, it’s not always useful to us. We look down on others, as if we are so much better and that creates division between people. 
• You are not the only one with betchy opinions. We see someone, and based on their looks or actions, we pass judgment on them. Not good judgment, either. Usually without even knowing the person. In most cases, we don’t really have any idea what’s behind other people’s actions. We don’t make an effort to get to know the person, or understand them, or see whether our judgment was right or not. 
• We judge, without understanding. We don’t try to find out more, and through communication begin to understand, and through understanding begin to build a bridge between two human beings.
• It might be hard to avoid gossip completely, but make an effort to change the conversation when your friends start sounding judgmental. Try bringing up another perspective, or sneak some of that person’s good qualities into the discussion. If you can’t help but get caught up in the negativity of your usual social group, find a more positive friend who you can spend time with too.
• Everyone makes mistakes, so make a point of framing it as a bad action, not a sign of bad character. 
• As you feel a negative thought enter your brain, accept it as a thought only and then redirect your mind to think about something else. Detaching yourself from your thoughts will keep you from getting caught up in criticizing others.
• An onslaught of scary events (political upheaval, apocalyptic weather) has made us all feel unstable, amplifying our instinctual urge to call out those who threaten the norm. Because things seem less predictable we're assessing more, looking to shut down threats everywhere. 
• It is easy to dismiss these savage instincts as harmless. But constantly judging others can create an addictive cycle. We judge, then judge ourselves for judging, then feel bad, then judge others again, ultimately losing way too much mental energy to process that makes us feel foolish. 
• The solution is noticing the critical thoughts and then replacing them with kindness. 
• When you begin your day with self-judgment, you end up projecting those insecurities onto others. Instead try to notice your judgment without judgment. When you realize that you are critiquing yourself, congratulate yourself for noticing. Positive reinforcement neutralizes negative feelings, squashing the urge to transfer them onto someone else.
• After recognizing what triggers your judginess and using positive mantras, try cultivating compassion. Looking for people's good qualities helps you feel more love for them. So close your eyes for a second, breathe deep, and reflect on how hardworking this guy is.
• Evening is great time to take inventory of your and forgive yourself for all the times you have judged. This is the last step in your detox. No matter how many negative thoughts slipped through, tell yourself that you did the best you could. And be proud of all the critical thoughts you did catch. 
• In order to let other people off the hook, you first have to let yourself off the hook.

Be curious, not judgmental ... Walt Whitman

Why one should not do business with friends or relatives?

Economic recessions creates accidental entrepreneurs and self employment due to large scale job losses. Technological advancements and the changing economic landscape makes it easier for friends and relatives (including family members) to launch business ventures with minimal experience and financial resources. Just because people have the resources to launch a business does not mean that they should. Even with innovation and increased accessibility, the worlds of commerce and industry remain extremely difficult to conquer. Multiple factors can undermine a fledgling business and ruin relationships between friends and relatives.

1. Friendship does not translate into business compatibility.
   It is tempting to believe that your existing relationship will easily translate into a successful commercial union. This is rarely the case even as people with similar values and philosophies may not share the same approach to completing various business tasks. This creates conflicts when establishing a business model or cultivating a company culture, which in turn has the potential to undermine even the most durable of relationships.
2. Friends and relatives rarely plan for worst case scenarios.
   Between friends and relatives who have unsuccessfully attempted to launch a business, one of the key issues is a lack of communication. Friends and relatives rarely consider all potential worst-case scenarios in detail before making a fixed commitment, so that they can develop viable contingency plans and prepare their friendship / relationship in the event of failure.
3. It can be difficult to create clearly defined business roles.
   The majority of friendships / relationships are formed organically with no predetermined roles or structural hierarchies. In business, it always requires one partner to take an authoritative leading role, which can create imbalance in an existing friendship / relationship and ultimately cause unrest. There may be a tendency among friends / relatives to avoid this entirely, but this exposes the business to a critical lack of leadership.
4. Your business goals may differ from those of your partner.
   Your motivation for launching a business may differ to that of your friend or relative. While you may aim to realize the long-term goal of launching a business, your partner may want to earn some additional money to supplement their existing income. This is entirely opposed to the foundation of commercial partnerships, which should be formed from a common goal and fixed business aspirations. Such a gap in expectations can be devastating which can trigger arguments, undermine business growth and compromise friendships.
5. The price of failure is far higher
   An estimated 50% of all small businesses fail during their first 24 months. Such failure comes at a considerable cost to small-business owners, although this is restricted to financial losses. For those who partner with a friend or relative, the failure of a business venture can create a strain that even established relationships are unable to cope with. This means that the cost of failure is even higher, as it can compromise both your personal and professional lives.
6. Financial arrangements and friendships make for uneasy bed fellows
   In business, each partner may be required to invest some of their personal capital, which in turn creates a financial arrangement that binds two friends / relatives in a legal contract. A single act of negligence or irresponsible behavior by one can impact heavily on their partner. If you consider the financial cost of such personal injury that arise as a result of carelessness, it is easy to see why friends should avoid funding a joint business venture.
7. You may struggle to plan holiday’s and breaks away.
   Whenever you start an independent business with friends and relatives, you are placing an incredible strain on both your personal and professional time. Booking holidays or taking breaks can be particularly difficult, that expose business to a lack of leadership at a critical juncture. Unless you have a trusted employee who can hold the fort and lead strategically in your absence, you may need to stagger your holidays and take separate breaks.
8. You will place a huge strain on your finances.
   There may be many reasons for you to choose to launch a business venture with a partner, benefiting from an influx of capital is the most prominent. The cost of establishing a business can be considerable, so it is natural to share this financial burden with a trusted partner who can also add experience, strength and leadership. Starting a business with friends and relatives is an entirely different entity, as you may be drawing capital from a more restricted source and placing a greater strain on your finances.
9. Friends and relatives business ventures usually lack expertise.
   Aside from the ability to provide an initial investment, a carefully selected, independent business partner can also bring considerable expertise and experience to your venture. You may need to compromise on this when partnering with a friend or relative. Since your share of equity is limited, it is important to retain the incentive to succeed. By sacrificing invaluable business knowledge, you could enter the marketplace without the necessary tools to succeed.
10. Emotions can override good business sense.
    Familiar business partners who are emotionally invested in one another, as periods of hardship can damage the relationship and cause both parties to act irrationally. It is therefore easy for emotions to override sound business sense, and this can quickly sound the death knell for any commercial venture.
11. It can be hard to appraise your partner’s performance.
    Honesty should be the bedrock for any successful and meaningful friendship  but it can be hard to administer a frank and withering appraisal of those closest to you. This can cause a significant issue when friends and relatives partner in business. It often leaves faults unaddressed and causes operational issues to continue longer than they should. While third party assessments can be sourced and paid for, the potential impact of negative criticism can still damage relationships.
12. Relationship breakdowns can divide families and friendship groups.
    The fall-out between two family members or close friends can trigger huge divides, and cause even the tightest-knit of groups to splinter and form rival factions. This can lead to an ongoing and acrimonious dispute that involves multiple parties, while leaving a family or friendship group in tatters.
13. Relationships can suffer even when the business venture succeeds.
    There is a strong possibility that relationships can also crumble if a venture proves to be successful. Relentless pursuit of success can take its toll in a competitive market, and attainment can also change each individual’s outlook and create distance within a relationship.
14. Changing circumstances can upset the equilibrium of any partnership.
    Over time, the market can change significantly and to meet new challenges partners must be flexible with suitable response. This can create significant inequity within a relationship especially if one partner is forced to carry greater responsibility without reward. If a business requires additional investment but one member of the partnership has fallen on hard times the other will need to fulfill this financial commitment without gaining any additional equity causing considerable resentment and create a huge divide between once close allies.
15. Business may not always be a priority.
    Changing personal circumstances, like marriage or parenthood, can alter our priorities and force us to spread our time more thinly making it harder to prioritize a business venture that has already been established with a friend or relative. Even if partners have entered into an prior agreement with the same outlook and goals, these can quickly change in the face or rearranged priorities. This situation can also occur gradually over time, leaving businesses exposed and left to decline.

Don't do business with friends rather do friendship with businessmen.

More than anything, envy and jealousy among people is the primary pulling down factor in any relationship. More so in India lacking resources, education and ethics. Hypocrisy i.e. inconsistency between thinking, speaking and actions also contributes to problems & failures.

Art of Public Speaking

• Effective speech is not for exhibition but for communication.
• The technique of effective speech is unobtrusive and disarming.
• Speech is effective in proportion to the intrinsic worth of the speaker.
• Impressions of the speaker are derived largely from signs of which the audience are unaware.
• The matter to be communicated is the all important thing.
• Audiences listen because they hope to learn something.
• If the speaker has nothing worth saying, he is guilty of obtaining time under false pretense and deserves indictment. But if a speaker does have something worth saying, he may still fail wholly or in part because of some remediable mannerism of the body, voice or personality.
• Some are excellent speakers but their gestures adds nothing to their effectiveness but detracts.
• Some speakers deserves a hearing, but their gestures makes hearing less pleasant. 
• A most exasperating habit of some speakers is to address part of audience and neglect the rest.
• Audiences want clear enunciation, enough volume, but they can dispense with "oratory".
• A story which is really apt is often welcome. It can serve as a relief from reforming the universe before breakfast. But funny stories are rare and speakers who know how tell them in funny way are rarer.
• Brevity is a virtue greatly appreciated by audiences, but all too seldom practiced by speakers.
• The man who can be relied on to say what he has to say, forcefully and interestingly, and then sit down can count on return invitations.
• Public speaking is an art. It can be learned.
• Gestures are part of natural, sincere, emphatic speech.
• Vocal acrobatics are alright too, if they grow naturally out of the speaker's message and personality and are not strain on audience's patience.
• Be utterly natural, utterly sincere, utterly absorbed and versed in your subject.
• We all have unfortunate mannerisms of which we are unaware, we should go to some pains to discover and correct them.
• It is a valuable experience to see ourselves as other see us.
• It would pay any person who speaks often in public to commission a candid friend to tell him the blunt truth about his platform mannerisms. And not get angry if the friend say something disagreeable! Failure to see ourselves as the audience sees us ruins many a carefully prepared speech that could have been very effective.

In presentations or speeches less really is more.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject 
and short enough to create interest ... Winston S. Churchill

My View:

Public speaking seem daunting and scary but is rewarding and fun too. It is a new skill and can accelerate your career. If you are a first time speaker you have no pressure to deliver a revolutionary speech. Speech without preparation is pale and confusing. Create a draft and road test it. A title for the speech and brief outline helps you to focus on key points you want to communicate. Never think you have to be expert to present something new. Passion for the subject and a personal perspective will always be of interest to audience. It is a good idea to speak out loud that ensure your messages are clear and well articulated. To improve take anonymous feed back. Next time you get a chance to speak, don't miss it.