Avoid being judgmental

• We are all judgmental. It’s human nature. 
• While it is in our nature to be judgmental, it’s not always useful to us. We look down on others, as if we are so much better and that creates division between people. 
• You are not the only one with betchy opinions. We see someone, and based on their looks or actions, we pass judgment on them. Not good judgment, either. Usually without even knowing the person. In most cases, we don’t really have any idea what’s behind other people’s actions. We don’t make an effort to get to know the person, or understand them, or see whether our judgment was right or not. 
• We judge, without understanding. We don’t try to find out more, and through communication begin to understand, and through understanding begin to build a bridge between two human beings.
• It might be hard to avoid gossip completely, but make an effort to change the conversation when your friends start sounding judgmental. Try bringing up another perspective, or sneak some of that person’s good qualities into the discussion. If you can’t help but get caught up in the negativity of your usual social group, find a more positive friend who you can spend time with too.
• Everyone makes mistakes, so make a point of framing it as a bad action, not a sign of bad character. 
• As you feel a negative thought enter your brain, accept it as a thought only and then redirect your mind to think about something else. Detaching yourself from your thoughts will keep you from getting caught up in criticizing others.
• An onslaught of scary events (political upheaval, apocalyptic weather) has made us all feel unstable, amplifying our instinctual urge to call out those who threaten the norm. Because things seem less predictable we're assessing more, looking to shut down threats everywhere. 
• It is easy to dismiss these savage instincts as harmless. But constantly judging others can create an addictive cycle. We judge, then judge ourselves for judging, then feel bad, then judge others again, ultimately losing way too much mental energy to process that makes us feel foolish. 
• The solution is noticing the critical thoughts and then replacing them with kindness. 
• When you begin your day with self-judgment, you end up projecting those insecurities onto others. Instead try to notice your judgment without judgment. When you realize that you are critiquing yourself, congratulate yourself for noticing. Positive reinforcement neutralizes negative feelings, squashing the urge to transfer them onto someone else.
• After recognizing what triggers your judginess and using positive mantras, try cultivating compassion. Looking for people's good qualities helps you feel more love for them. So close your eyes for a second, breathe deep, and reflect on how hardworking this guy is.
• Evening is great time to take inventory of your and forgive yourself for all the times you have judged. This is the last step in your detox. No matter how many negative thoughts slipped through, tell yourself that you did the best you could. And be proud of all the critical thoughts you did catch. 
• In order to let other people off the hook, you first have to let yourself off the hook.

Be curious, not judgmental ... Walt Whitman

Power of Apology

• Apology has the power to repair harm, mend relationships, soothe wounds and heal broken hearts.
• Apology is not only a social nicety but also an important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the wronged person.
• It is a way of acknowledging an act that might compromise the relationship.
• Apology disarms others of their anger and to prevent further misunderstandings.
• Apology cannot undo past actions, but it can undo the negative effects of those actions.
• Apology actually affects the bodily functions of the person receiving it, blood pressure decreases, heart rate slows and breathing becomes steadier.
• When we receive an apology, we no longer perceive the wrongdoer as a personal threat. 
• Apology helps us to move past our anger and prevents us from being stuck in the past. 
• Apology opens the door to forgiveness by allowing us to have empathy for the wrongdoer.
• By apologizing and taking responsibility for our actions we help rid ourselves of esteem-robbing self-reproach and guilt.
• Apology has the power to humble even the most arrogant. 
• When we develop the courage to admit we are wrong, we develop a deep sense of self-respect.
• Apologizing helps us remain emotionally connected to our friends and loved ones. 
• Knowing we have wronged, but once we have apologized we feel freer to be vulnerable and intimate.
• Apologizing usually causes us to feel humiliated but acts as a deterrent not to repeat the act.
• When wrongdoers apologize, we find it easier to forgive them.
• When someone confesses to and apologizes, the person's humility and apology cause us to see him as more human, more like ourselves and this moves us.
• It easy to forgive an apologetic wrongdoer, because apology and confession increase empathy, that heightens the ability to forgive.
• Apology encourages forgiveness by eliciting sympathy.
• Apology leads to empathy and empathy mediates forgiveness.
• If apology does not come sincerely, it will not feel meaningful to the other person.
• The desire to apologize must come from within. 
• Apology, when sincere and intentional, is a powerful and life-altering tool for both the giver and the receiver.
• Apologies that are used as manipulations or mere social gestures will come across as empty and meaningless.

Apologizing is the best way to deal with a mistake.

It simply disarms the opponent.