- We must love.
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. It’s a truth so profound we can discuss it only with aphorisms. Yes, we must love, even if it breaks our hearts—because, unless we love, our lives will flash by. - Love isn’t enough.
Although we must love, love is not enough to survive. We must take action to show others we care, to show them we love. - Happiness is not for sale.
We can’t buy happiness. The stuff won’t make us happy. At best, material things will temporarily pacify us. At worst, they will ruin our lives. They will leave us empty, they will leave us depressed, and they will leave us even more alone. - Success is perspectival.
Success is neither amassing wealth nor possessions. Having a six-figure job, the house with too many bedrooms, the luxury car, the tailored suit, the expensive watch, the big screen TV, and all the trappings of the material world would seem make you look successful. These things can make your family and friends proud of you but that is not success. All these luxuries are not luxuries after using them 20 times. - Make change a must.
I didn’t have the feeling in my gut that things must change. I knew they should change, but the change wasn’t a must for me, and thus it didn’t happen. A decision is not a real decision until it is a must, until you feel it on your nerve-endings, until you are compelled to take action. Once your shoulds have turned into musts, then you are ready for change. - The meaning of life.
Giving is living. The best way to live a worthwhile life is simple. Continuously grow as an individual and contribute to other people in a meaningful way. Growth and contribution is the meaning of life. - Health is underestimated.
Our well-being is more important than most of us treat it. Without health, nothing else matters. - Sentimental items are less important.
- Your job is not your mission.
There’s nothing wrong with job and hard work, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of life’s more important areas like health, relationships, passion. - Finding your passion is important.
Passion is not preexisting. You can cultivate a passion that aligns with your principles and desires. - Relationships matter.
Every relationship is a series of gives and takes. For the relationship to work, both people must contribute to and get something. If you just give but don’t get, you’ll feel used, exploited, taken advantage of. If you only take but don’t give, you’re a parasite, a freeloader, a bottom-feeder. - You don’t need everyone to like you.
We all want to be loved but you can’t value every relationship the same. You can’t expect everyone to love you the same. Life doesn’t work that way. When people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are. - Status is a misnomer.
Similar to success, our culture places an extraordinary emphasis on material wealth as a sign of true wealth, and yet too many people of “status” are miserable. They don’t seem wealthy. One’s true worth is not determined by his or her net worth. - Jealousy is a wasted emotion.
Competition breeds jealousy, although we give it prettier labels like “competitive spirit,” or “ambition.” Jealousy is ugly. It is never a way to express that we care. It’s only a channel through which we broadcast our insecurities. - Everybody worships something.
There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. - I am not the center of the universe.
It’s difficult to think about the world from a perspective other than our own. We are always worried about what’s going on in our lives. Why am I not happy with my life? We are strongly aware of everything connected to our lives, but we are only one ingredient in a much larger recipe. - Awareness is the most precious freedom.
Minimalism is a tool to rid ourselves of excess in favor of a deliberate life. It is a tool to take a seemingly intricate and convoluted world, cluttered with its endless embellishments, and make it simpler, easier, realer. It is unimaginably hard to remain conscious, attentive, and aware. It is difficult not to fall back into a trance-like state, surrounded by the trappings and obstructions of the tiring world around us—but it is crucial to do so, for this is real freedom. - Be on the mountain.
This term as a metaphor means for living in the moment. When you climb to the peak, don’t immediately plan your descent. Enjoy the view. Be on the mountain. Just be. - We are scared for no reason.
We are often scared of things that don’t have a real effect on our lives (or that we can’t control, so we’re worrying for no reason). - Change is growth.
We all want a different outcome, and yet most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t fun. But when we learn to enjoy the process of change—when we chose to look at uncertainty as variety—then we get to reap all the rewards of change. That is how we grow. - Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make us perfect.
I am not perfect, and I never will be. I make mistakes and bad decisions, and I fail at times. I stumble, I fall. I am human—a mixed bag, nuanced, the darkness and the light—as are you. And you are beautiful. - The past does not equal the future.
My words are my words, and I can’t take them back. You can’t change the past, so it’s important to focus on the present. If the past equaled the future, then your windshield would be of no use to you. You would simply drive with your eyes glued to the rear view mirror. But driving this way—looking only behind you—is a sure-fire way to crash. - Pain can be useful, but not suffering.
Pain lets us know something is wrong: it indicates we must change what we’re doing. Suffering, though, is a choice, and we can choose to stop suffering, to learn a lesson from the pain and move on with our lives. - Doubt kills.
The person who stops you from doing everything you want to do, who stops you from being completely free, who stops you from being healthy, happy, and passionate—is you. - It’s okay to wait.
Sometimes it’s okay to wait a little longer for something. Why rush if you don’t have to? Why not enjoy the journey? - Honesty is important.
Honesty, at the most simple level, is telling the truth—not lying. It’s supremely important to be honest, and it’s hurtful when you’re not. - Openness is just as important as honesty.
Openness involves being honest while painting an accurate picture, shooting straight, not misleading other people, and being real. Openness is far more subjective, and you must be honest with yourself before you can be open with others. This doesn’t mean you must put your entire life on display. Some things are private, and that’s okay, too. - Getting people’s buy-in.
Adding value to other people is the only way to get their buy-in. That’s how you get their buy-in. - Hype is cancerous.
So often we fall for the hype (“Buy More, Save More!” and “Three Day Sale!”), and we are suckered into rash buying decisions because of scarcity and a false sense of urgency. We can train ourselves, however, to not only resist such hype, but to have a vitriolic reaction to the hype that we avoid anything that’s hyped. - I’m still trying to figure it all out.
I don’t intend to promulgate my views and opinions as some sort of maxims by which you should live your life. What works for me, may not work for you. Hell, sometimes it doesn’t even work for me.
More lessons:
- It’s not about how people feel about you, but how you make them feel.
Growing older has shown me the cool kids aren’t always the happy kids. I realized what people think about you isn’t nearly as important as how you make them feel. - Consider all advice.
It’s amazing how much smarter our parents appear as we we get older. In many instances, if I had listened to my parents’ and grandparents’ advice, I could have avoided learning lessons the hard way. I told myself that even if I didn’t agree with what someone was telling me, I would at least consider their advice. This has forced me to look into the mirror to consider what I must change. - Happiness comes from within.
Happiness comes from within, not from the things we own. - You’ll never be happy with more until you’re happy with what you have currently.
It’s as simple as that. I discovered I usually don’t get rewarded in life with more until I appreciate what I have currently. - Forgiveness is incredibly important.
There is a profound saying in the bible: “Freely forgive others as you forgive yourself.” When I learned how to let things go and easily forgive others, I was a much happier person. In fact, I found the bigger the wrong I forgave, the better I felt. - You can count your closest friends on one hand.
As you grow older you find out who is actually your friend and who isn’t. - Being honest is always the right thing.
Even when I have royally screwed up in life, I have found honesty punishes me less and gains trust more. - If you lie, you will get caught.
If you lie, you will probably have to tell more lies to cover up the original lie. It’s a vicious cycle. - Although honesty is important, I don’t have to be completely transparent.
Just because something is true, I don’t have to say it. I needn’t spew forth every thought that enters my head. - People are inherently good.
Even the people who’ve treated me poorly are still good at some level. None of us are perfect. This has helped me be less cynical. - Slow down.
We all need to slow down, breathe, and pace ourselves when we get overwhelmed. - Friendly people at work aren’t necessarily your friends.
Be careful whom you open up to at work. - Stay true to yourself.
If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t feel good, if it doesn’t feel like you—then don’t do it. I’m much happier when I follow this advice. - Every decision matters.
Every decision we make affects our future. There is no such thing as a zero-sum decision. - There is no such thing as a free lunch.
Every decision we make costs us something: be it time, emotion, money, etc. - “Act as if…”
Be the change in the world you want to be. Either way, this line has helped me throughout my life. - “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” —Eleanor Roosevelt.
You needn’t care what people think or say about you. What they say or think is only true if you believe it’s true. Don’t let anyone get the best of you. - Some of life’s most profound advice is found in platitudes.
“You can be anything you want to be,”
“Life’s too short,”
“Time heals all wounds,”
“Good things come to all those that wait,” etc.
Don’t dismiss it just because it’s a platitude. - Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It’s easier for me to avoid jealousy, it’s easier for me to forgive, and it’s easier for me to overlook the negative things in life. - It’s all small stuff.
Until you have a few life-changing experiences, this isn’t clear. I have had a few close calls with myself, friends, and family which have shown me how small my problems are. - If you don’t take care of your health, it will fade fast.
I don’t think I need to articulate this one any more. - Relationships are important.
Don’t burn a bridge with another person if you can avoid it. You never know who will decide your fate. - Live life with passion.
If I didn’t have passion in my life, I would be bored to death. If you’re bored, focus on your passions. If you don’t have time for your passions, make time. - If you’re not growing, you’re dying.
If you’re not growing in life, you are simply living out your days. - Contribute.
Contributing to someone else, or to a community, will make you feel good. Contribution is what makes me feel the most alive. Contributing to others keeps me going, gets me up in the mornings, and continues to inspire me. - In twenty years you will regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did do.
- Life is happening now!
Don’t forget to live life in the moment. - Learn to let go.
This was a hard lesson but it serves true. Sometimes it’s just better to let things go. - Everything changes.
Things don’t look different day-to-day, but when you look back ten years it’s all different. Change is an absolute, and we should plan accordingly. Don’t fool yourself. - Procrastination is useless.
I realized that no matter how long I put something off, it’s still there the next day.
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